I
am aware this is very, very delayed and have been nagged about getting this
post done all week. The diet was on target until Friday night when basically
everything I knew about my home town fell apart and I think myself and my
friends we still in shock on Saturday. That's my excuse for the last two days.
I got nothing to excuse the rest of the week I didn't post.
I
am now pretty squarely set into my gym going ways - I go three days in every
seven. It started at about 40 minutes but I've pushed it up to an hour in
pursuit of my goal. I now weigh 206lbs and am about as fit as I was when I was
20. That isn't saying I'm greatly in shape, but I'm getting there. I'm finding
it easier to push myself further while working out and I'm starting to get some
enjoyment out of it - although part of that is linked to a relief I don't have
to sweat heavily in front of innocent members of the public for any longer when
I'm finished.
I'm
finding that I can reach a stage of ache and discomfort from which my body
doesn't move on or degrade from while working out, a balance of having the
energy to work out and the ache that lets me know it is working. It's not a
great feeling, but was I've got I know I can keep going for a while without
having to worry about being out of breath, having heart palpations or
collapsing which is good. I think part of my problem before was not being
familiar with this state so I didn't know when I reached it. It's a weird kind
of stress and tension that feels functional. Someone will probably tell me that
it's part of evolutionary biology and part of chemical psychology but all I
need to know - and all I'm going to tell you - is that it makes for a great
work out condition.
The
harder part has been getting to the gym. Complications with my car and a couple
of holidays I've had to cancel have put me in a pretty damned bad mood this
week and I didn't really want to do anything productive. However, I figured
physical exertion is the best way to express anger and frustration so managed
to goad myself into going to the gym. A couple of friends (probably
unknowingly) helped by asking about it at just the right moment. I've also made
a friend there, after a rocky start, which has helped a lot. Even if she thinks
I'm a lot better at the gym than I really am it's nice to know someone there.
It's like the gym people are slowly accepting me.
What
else? I was warned that talking about beer and calories in the same sentence
was the gayest thing I'd ever done after calculating how much a round at the
pub was in calories in under a couple of seconds and I got away with ordering
diet mixers all night at my local even after the staff found out I was on a
diet and laughed at me. I mean, being fat was bad and I didn't like it - I can
accept that now even if I didn't then - but I actually get treated a lot more
derisively for being on a diet now then I ever did before. It's really weird
and I'm going to put it down to jealousy and just carry on doing what I'm
doing. I know it's working, so that's fine. As a warning to people who want to
start dieting, it apparently can happen.
I
get a lot of support too though so that's very gratefully received from all
sources - including my old course mates. I have however agreed to a
Thanksgiving extravaganza with them which will put my calorie in take in such
peril as will not be rivalled until Christmas. I also won't be able to go to a
gym on that day to help manage it, so I will have to plan for it ahead. I may
just get to my friend's house and the go for a two hour run before devouring
more food than should fit in a human's stomach. I will unashamedly enjoy it,
however, and there will be no guilt whatever happens. Worst comes to worst, I
will have a temporary set back in weight loss which I can live with. As I often
say to people, life goes on. This is nearly always true and when seriously
considered quite a fair statement - bad things happen but as long as you don't
die you will most likely be able to get on with life. Please don't rail against
this comment, citing AIDS, cancer, limb loss etc. The best stories about those
conditions aren't about the people who give up and die; they're about the
heroic individuals who accept it and get on with living while they can.
Trying
to raise the tone after that small downer, I've been challenged to have the
body of a marvel superhero by the end of the month. I won't succeed but I'm
going to do what I can to try. Until next post diet fans, farewell!
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