A More Full Bodied Return

                I am fat. Again – or still, perhaps. Not obese, although bordering on it sadly. I broke my hand and that stopped me going to the gym and other exercises, although on the running front that was just me being lethargic. But as of last week I have run twice a week for 20-25 minutes and will be extended that to about 30 minutes from next week onwards. Thanks goes to my brother who’s come along on the runs, making them less of a trial. A couple of friends have also got into the idea of exercising and have asked me to assist them – which is a great opportunity for me! I will also have to get back into the habit of chasing people to come running or exercising with me.

                How did the back-sliding begin though? I had such high hopes, so much motivation! Where did it all go wrong? Well, the motivation flagged and I became a little disillusioned with it all. I felt like I was out of control, and I rebelled against the diet – I ate what I want, when I wanted and told myself I’d make it up later with exercise, or that it was a one off indulgence. Clearly a one-off indulgence every day is not, in fact, a limited diet.

                I lost focus. That’s the long and short of it. I was so close to my goal I slackened off on my not-quite-ironclad grip on what and when I ate, thinking it would be okay. Over two or three months I did this more and more, being able to excuse each extravagance as a ‘treat’ or a ‘rarity’. This wasn’t the case. I was lying to myself, and I was good at it. Having put on more than a stone, I now weigh 206lbs again. That’s a lot of back sliding. I unimpressed, disappointed and angry. Which initially makes me want to comfort eat, which is very frustrating.

                So the runs are step one. Step two was signing back up to MyFitnessPal. Many people fault this app/website, frown or brush off calorie counting and are generally derisive about the idea of recording their intake and exercise regime. It’s effort, I get that, and no, it might not be 100% accurate 100% of the time but it is far, far better than nothing. It gives you an actual record, a list, a trail of your successes and failures, it can give you an impression of what should be cut from your diet and where and when. And really, it’s maybe 5-10 minutes out of your day. The reason people don’t want to do it, that they’re sceptical of it, is that they don’t believe in it. Signing up and filling it out daily will not physically make you lose weight, but it will help you find ways that you can.

                It will also tell where you are going wrong. This is a big factor in why people don’t want to use it; it will force them to either admit their weight is due to something that they are doing, that it’s something that is caused by them and it is a consequence of their actions. This is understandable, it is natural, and it is a massive problem if you actually want to lose weight. Who cares how it started, or if it’s your fault, or how long it’s happened for – stop it now. Get past it, move on and then you’ll be able to fix it.

                Step three, for me, is this blog. It helps keep dieting and exercise in the front of my mind – if I have nothing to report on here, then I clearly haven’t be working that hard! So expect some more posts, hopefully entertaining, informative or both, and if you’ve got any questions, quietly sticking away in the back of your mind about it, or to help someone you know and care about who is doing what I did and procrastinating on something I want to do, know I should do, but don’t want to face up to the full responsibility of doing. I’ll help however I can – even if it’s just bugging you to come running!

 

               

The Old War Horse

               I managed three runs last week; one with my neighbour, one with a work friend and even one by myself. It was a net total of about an hour to an hour-ten on the run but I put some effort into pushing myself to run a little faster than I found natural. Hopefully it was of some benefit. I also spent six hours Airsofting on Saturday evening which was some pretty good exercise itself. This feels like a good return to me regime, but obviously I want to up it a bit. This is being done by bullying my neighbour into running longer, challenging my work friend and giving myself a little more time to run. Do I feel any better for this?

                Not really. This is unfortunate, but while I’m glad I am putting the effort in I have yet to feel a return to the boundless energy I felt I had access to over the summer. This, my friends, is called ‘losing fitness’. It can happen disquietingly quickly and is quite disappoint when discovered. However, on a positive note, it’s fairly easy to regain. I definitely don’t feel as unfit as I once was – not by a long shot – and I’m still quite comfortable doing twenty minute runs, even at higher speeds. However, half an hour is looking much harder than it once was. 

                The only way to fix this is with the application of effort. It’s not necessarily an enjoyable process but it’s going to be a rewarding one. So I’m pushing myself back into exercise, despite the cold weather, and trying to cut back on the zero-value foods I eat (potato has crept back into my diet and I feel this is the biggest reason for my difficulty). This is somewhat of a loss, but only in a superficial sense; my long term fitness and health will certainly benefit from it. But isn’t wanting to look good in and of itself actually a superficial attitude?

                The question arises after my brother recently asked me whether I thought he was shallow or not. This in turn made me question whether or not my focus on fitness and physical appearance was a shallow pursuit – and then, in turn, whether this was necessarily a bad thing. My conclusion was that it was shallow, but that it wasn’t bad or wrong of me.

                Why is it shallow? Well, I’m purely basing a virtue upon its outward appearance, with no closer analysis. Since my analysis of the problem lacked depth – I was fat, I wanted to not be fat/look attractive – the decision itself to lose could not help but lack depth. I was trying to increase my apparent worth based upon my physical appearance; the very definition of shallow! How could I ever doubt that it was for shallow or superficial reasons?

                Well, that’s all wrapped up in why it wasn’t a bad or wrong thing to decide. Firstly, I certainly do not judge my entire worth – material, intellectual and spiritual – upon how I look. I did not consider myself a ‘bad’ person because I was fat. It wasn’t morally wrong to be fat, nor ethically. As such my losing weight only affected myself in any serious way – my friends nor more like or dislike me now that I have lost weight compared to when I hadn’t, for example. They are impressed and encouraging, but it is a personal change for a personal benefit, and it was always going to be that way. So there was no socio-cultural fallout from me losing weight, nor was anyone harmed or hurt by it. Ergo, not morally wrong.

                Secondly (I do love my quasi-numbered paragraphs, don’t I?) there was the desire for attention – to be found attractive. I feel I, as a personality (a mind, philosophically speaking) was always attractive. I say this not to boast but to clarify and confirm that I did not and do not judge my worth purely upon my physical appearance. This said, losing weight has undeniably made me look and feel more physically attractive. Is that bad? Certainly not. It would be if I lorded it over others, or made people feel bad about how they look, but I have not done this in any way – at least, not deliberately or with intent and I hope in no other way at all. So again, though shallow in decision there is nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with it. 

                Thirdly and finally, humans are visual animals – evolved as predators or created as stewards, either role or belief makes us primarily visual beings. We definitely judge each other based on appearance; we’re wired to, we can’t help it. Closing your mind against revising that judgement is wherein lies the sin - social, moral and ethical. As long as you do not use just physical appearance as your sole measure of someone and their worth, you’re okay to make judgments about it. 

This also prevents the arguments use as a defence for not losing weight – “I’m not a shallow or judgmental person!” doesn’t mean being overweight makes you a better person. Just as surely it doesn’t make you a bad person, but please do not try to hide behind moral betterment to disguise a refusal to motivate yourself. Just as there is nothing wrong with being overweight, there is equally nothing wrong with being in shape.