Drogo Week

               Another week, another pound! I’m now 13st 10lbs, 192lbs or 87kg depending on your measurement preference. I fit comfortably into my 34” jeans as opposed to only just and have even more clothes to throw out. So plenty of good news, right? I’m also getting plenty of compliments too, so I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Or do I?

                I do, because I’m from the First World and as such have grown up looking for the flaws and imperfections that make my brilliant life ‘incomplete’. What am I complaining about? Myself – some might call that unusual but it is the purpose of this blog, really. What did I do? I cut my gym session last night by forty five whole minutes. I was still there for an hour and a half, and I did only cut it short because between finishing work at six, eating and getting to sleep at a decent (ish) time squashing in a gym visit of longer than an hour is difficult. The other issue was I had fallen so far behind in calorie count I had to make up by eating that I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to if I carried on through with my work out plan. I wasn’t exhausted when I left but I was tired, and had travelled fifteen km over three machines so it was by no means a wasted trip. I just feel I let myself down by not staying longer, and I’m also going to eat slightly less afterwards as I felt rotten after what was actually quite a healthy dinner of pasta, bacon and kale (cooked) – it was just an awful lot to eat at once. 

                Today my legs only ache a little and my upper body is fine, so I clearly didn’t do enough work. How to remedy this? Easy; I have created a contingency plan to compensate for this perceived failure and/or increase in ability. Now, being one of my plans, it is obviously considered, well thought through and suitably measured as a response. It certainly does not suffer from an abundance of ambition or an absence of appropriate expectation.

                This week is DROGO WEEK! I’ll be running to and using the gym every day until Friday, and most likely being increasingly tired verging on exhausted every day until Friday too. I definitely didn’t decide on this while under the influence of testosterone – which a friend has convinced me is a mind-altering drug. Regardless, that is my resolution and I will remain resolved to rectify my restrained exercise regime: If I can push myself harder, I should push myself harder.

                Now, just to prove I have given some thought to this titanic (ish) tactic I will point out that I will not be doing the same thing every day at the gym – for instance, having done thirty five minutes on the treadmill (5km) and the same time on the cross trainer (7.25km) yesterday, I will not be using them today. I’m looking at 30 minutes rowing and 35 minutes cycling. I did do ten minutes rowing yesterday for 2.3km but pushed myself too far considering I haven’t done it in about a month. I’m pretty sure if I pace myself I can manage half an hour. My brother’s comment on my rowing yesterday was pretty positive; “You looked pretty good but sounded like a Viking.”

                This is a review I will amenably accept – my music play was too loud for me to hear myself over but I have recently updated my work out playlist so rather than just being everything on my phone it is an actual playlist. It is formed of what I would consider manly, motivational tracks, so mainly metal or things like the Skyrim theme. I have crafted it after a conversation with a friend about the effects of testosterone after which I came to two conclusions; firstly I would use the sauna after every work out to calm down and secondly testosterone is the perfect biological fuel for the fires of my fitness rebirth. Ergo, the new playlist is full of tracks that were written and played after the writer/performer had injected themselves with about 250cc or equal parts testosterone and adrenaline. Currently it’s about thirty minutes in length but I’m planning to build on it. As a bonus I have substantially increased my collection of Scandinavian metal, so it has had non-exercise benefits too. It has certainly kept me motivated and pushing my limits to breaking point.

                The message this week is one of rediscovery. Don’t let your workout – or your diet – become stale or stagnant. It won’t keep you interested or enjoying it, and will make it a chore rather than a challenge, arduous rather than an adventure and embittering rather than empowering. Entropy is the only constant, the only real law of nature and therefore real rebels resist it rather than being rambunctious hipsters. Do not give in to laziness – it leads to inertia and to entropy, which leads to something much less exciting than the Dark Side. You should live your life, not just survive it and so I encourage you to vary your routine – boldly go where you haven’t been before, eat what you haven’t eaten before and do what you haven’t done before. Rediscover the enjoyment you can have from exercise or the satisfaction you find in dieting, or discover something new about those things. Hopefully you’ll even like it.

This Was Honestly Written on Monday

           So it's Monday again! And in the effort of returning to a regular posting schedule I'm writing this before I go to the gym. This morning I weighed in at 7.2kg, which is roughly 13st 11lbs. I believe that is because I weighed myself after breakfast - rookie mistake - so I hold out hope that I've actually lost weight since last week. The all-you-can-eat Chinese on Saturday won't have helped that goal though.

            At the time of writing I feel fat. I'm at 1200 of 1420 calories and a massive 900 (approx) of those were for lunch. It's a horrible mix of sleepiness, pain and being satisfied. However, I decided to eat so much because my last few gym visits have burned more calories than I ate on those days. Which sounds great except I was literally running on empty for the last 20 minutes or so - not an enjoyable experience. Especially as the television offerings were not very palatable; the Antiques Roadshow failed to steal my attention from work out pains.

            Which brings me to the point of this post; tactical distraction. This applies to both dieting and exercise, so should hold some value regardless of why you read this. I'll start with the diet side.

            Hunger strikes. Undeniably, it does so with an accuracy and reoccurring frequency that would turn lightning electric green with envy. Someone once told me your stomach has two modes - full & empty. After some thought my take on this is that your stomach is a binary communicator - like a spoilt and ungrateful child it only talks to you when it wants something. The rest of the time its communication skills are off. It is an air-raid siren; when it speaks it is only ever bad news.

            Worse, it's needy. While you relax and have no other worries - while you are otherwise perfectly content -  it will bother you, niggle at your mind, worry at your attention like a very small dog with no teeth until you sate it. Even when it doesn't really need feeding. This is mainly where the danger lies; when you're feeling safe and secure it will hit your empty mind with a demand to be made full. It will fill your mind with the demand to be full until it's all you can think about. So you cave.

            Your muscles do something similar during exercise. They cry out in desperation as your work them, like a pack of fat children sent into the mines for the first time. The more you work, the more they complain and weep lactic acid tears until you're convinced the one and only thing you can do is stop and break down, joining them in their misery and eventual relief.

            Yes, distraction is the escape plan! Hungry? Do something! Read a book, play a game, go for a walk (away from food retailers), just do something! If your mind is distracted by active or cognitive functions, concentrated on more serious bodily concerns the your hunger will be sidelined. Muscle burn and fatigue is a tougher signal to jam. To begin with if you're exercising well you'll be using a variety of muscles groups and the will bombard you in merciless bio-electrical unison. Again, your mind craves less base stimulus. Music helps, films more so if you can find one you like and something to watch it on. Conversation is the best distraction I've found but I do end up speaking quite loudly in an unfortunately Ron Burgundy-esque fashion (1:36).

            So, what, in fact, is my advice? Prepare distractions when you get ready to go. Got a tablet? Download some films. Bring you phone along and some ear buds. Prepare a playlist that will keep you heart pounding and your brain in the primal state designed by evolution to keep you running from large, angry predators. Go with a friend and gossip a bit (as long as you're okay sharing it with half the gym if you're anything like me) or compete with them.

            You mind is designed to protect your body; unless you actively resist your willpower will give out long before you damage your muscles with exercise. It sounds difficult to believe but that's your brain already working its protective, subconscious magic. Do not plateau. Do not surrender to the temptation of weakness. Do not be Samwell Tarly. Nature did not design the human body to be inactive, unresponsive or weak. You have the fluid grace of a pouncing tiger, the raw strength of an angry gorilla and the undying determination of the lone wolf inside you - you just have to find it. I've spent awhile unearthing it and I'm still doing so. I'm hoping it's like an iceberg and there's a lot more yet to dig up. The only obstacle is your reasoned self-doubt and & your very human susceptibility to self-delusion. Your ability to do a thing is measured first by your belief you can do it, not by your actual ability to. (0:22)

            You may even find new things to enjoy - somehow the Narnia films have got me through a couple of runs despite my original dislike for them. So prepare you distractions, ignore the pleas and pains your body bombards you with and battle towards a brighter, lighter you.

Viserys to Drogo in Seven Months

            So one of my friends has actually taken me up on the offer of being an amateur PT. We were talking about May Comicon (because we're massive geeks) and he said he wanted to go as Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones. I commented that he'd have to hit the gym a bit first as be looks more like Viserys Targaryen. Affronted, my friend asked what was wrong with Viserys. Anyone who is familiar with the series will know there's a whole list of things wrong with Viserys, but I put it to him like this;

           "Either you can be Khal Drogo who was feared and respected across the Dothraki nation, or you can be Viserys Targaryen who played with his sister's nipples."

            He came to the gym today. He's also agreed to attend regularly. I feel my powers of persuasion were faultless. Drogo has his flaws but no one wants to be Viserys. He now has seven months to achieve his goal.

           

            Session one went well for him and I had a lighter session - today not being a normal gym day, so I mainly focused on weights and muscle work after a twenty minute warm up with cardio. He pushed himself too far to begin with - my constant haranguing and drill-sergeant style motivation technique probably not helping - but he found a happy medium. We also had a bit of a chat about our work out plans and philosophies while he, another friend who came along and I had a stretch out session which demonstrated how amazingly inflexible my body is. It felt good to hear his concerns about starting to visit a gym regularly as I had them when I began, and I still have some now - some may never go. Like my constant desire to look as good as the CG enhanced super heroes in films now. However, I think the chat reassured him.

            I also did five whole pull ups. This probably demonstrates how poor my fitness was/still is to some extent. To those of you who exercise regularly and have done for years I appreciate five pull ups sounds like nothing. Considering I weighed 18.5 stone eight months ago and have only been visiting the gym for the last three months, I think this is a huge success. I haven't been able to do any pull ups in years and it felt great. GREAT. I'm going to be aiming to do a set of fifteen in sessions by Christmas.

            I've noticed that I can do a lot more now than I used to - both cardio and weights - the session I did today would have been a push three months ago but was comfortably manageable today. I'm also flat when I lie down on my back rather than having a small hill that would require contour lines on a map where my stomach was. I haven't quite lost the belly but it's nearly there - Gregory is nearly dead. My brother is both impressed and distraught at this news. I am, as of today, 14st 3lbs - 199lbs! Under two hundred and only seventeen left to go! The goal having been shifting to 13st or 182lbs has not made me less optimistic; if anything I am more so. I have even started thinking (dangerously) that the goal may not in fact be enough and I could go lower. According to wikianswers (professional sourcing right there) the average weight for a man my height and age is 158-172lbs, which is 11-12st. However, the answer made it clear that this was going to be 'inaccurate or unrepresentative of personal workout regimes'. So should my goal in fact be 172lbs? I will have to think on this. For now, I'm keeping it at 182.

            Last week when I tried to do pull ups I could only manage one - this week I have quintupled that. Three months ago I could barely row a kilometer in eight minutes - I'm now doing 2k in ten minutes. My improvement on the treadmill and crosstrainer is such that I wouldn't have believed I could manage it. I have to again thank everyone who has been encouraging and supportive of my weight loss drive but I cannot ignore the fact that I had to find this motivation from within. You won't lose weight if you don't want to - just like you don't achieve things if you don't really want them. We make time, put in effort and find money for things we really want; this is a key life philosophy of mine. Another my friends are familiar with is Don't Ask, Don't Get - if you don't ask for something, you won't get it. I've been asking ymself "Can I lose this weight?", "Can I do one more set?" and "Can I do this faster?" for eight months and I have got all of those things by demanding them of myself constantly. However, it wasn't until today when I was trying to convince my friend to come to the gym that I really summed out my workout philosophy: "Everyday you're not Drogo, you're Viserys."