You Eat What You Earn

Last week was a lazy week. Only two gym visits and not one, not two but three whole cheat days. It didn’t go ideally to plan, and as of this morning I was about the same weight as last Monday, although I weighed myself after breakfast. Some of you might wonder how much I eat for breakfast that it matters what time I weigh myself in the morning but it can make all the difference sometimes – even if it’s only in my head some mornings.

                So how am I planning to fix this? Well, I’m not really sure. I’m going to the gym tonight and Wednesday, but I’ve been booked out tomorrow as well as the weekend and might be busy on Thursday night. So it may be that I don’t have that much time. I’m going to be trying to sneak in a session on Tuesday quickly but it’s not looking good. So it looks like a week of thin rations rather than plenty, and back to dieting basics. However I’ve encountered a few problems with this, having tried it last week.

                I really don’t like pasta any more. I stopped eating it so much since I started going to the gym, as I had more calories to use up and could have a wider variety of foods as a result, and having tried to go back to it as a low calorie, filling meal I’ve found I don’t find it appetising in the least. Weirdly, rice tempts me powerfully but is not as good a supplement as it takes more of it to fill me up and I’m pretty sure is less healthy. If I’m incorrect please correct me so I can have it without feeling like a diet-traitor. I’m also going off kale. I don’t think I ever really liked it, if I’m honest, but it is far too good for me to not eat. Coupled with my drop in interest for pasta it makes my evening meals a bit of a chore. “So you don’t have to eat anything in the evening, right? That’ll help the diet!” – Not really. I still need to eat to live.

                So how am I going to solve this conundrum? Well, I could talk to people who cook and find a couple of low calorie meals to make, varying my diet a little (shock horror) and making sure I never really fill my food life with too much of the same thing. This is probably the best plan I can come up with, so I should really make an effort to enact it. The problem is my evenings are quite busy and cooking can take an unfortunate amount of time. Yes, I know I keep saying we make time for the things we want to do but I don’t want to cook really; what I actually want to do is eat without having to work for it. That’s a very, very lazy outlook, I know. And when I do cook I do enjoy it but it still seems a bit of a chore when I think about it in advance, mostly due to the time it takes to do it rather than the effort. So what I’m looking for are quick, healthy, low calorie meals which require minimal effort to prepare and are fairly filling.

                Do not, do not, say salads. Yes, I appreciate my aversion to them seems mildly unintelligent and counter-productive but I don’t find them appetising at all. Maybe I need to learn to enjoy them, and this is something I am getting closer and closer to experimenting with. They are not something that I want forced upon me though. Part of my reticence is spawned of fear they won’t fill me up, which sounds pretty dumb now I come to voice the concern – I could always, you know, eat more to compensate as something lacking meat and carbohydrate isn’t going to have a massive calorie count to it so that shouldn’t be a worry. And yes, I know I can actually add some meat to them if I want a bit of carnivore-friendly flavour. It’s something I will look into, at some point, but before I push the boat out that far I’ll look for alternatives I feel more tempted by.

                So do I have any of my own ideas or am I just going to beg for them? Well, basically every woman I’ve spoken to has decided to mock my ability to cook based on the fact I’m a man and therefore am genetically unable to. Contrary to this, I can; it is definitely a ‘won’t cook’ issue for me. Tonight I’m probably looking at a risotto, which I appreciate is not the height of culinary genius but I’ll be honest; ‘cooking’ of any variety is basically heating things up to a specific temperature for a specific time. Yes, you can add herbs and spices and such, and I do, but it’s not a secret, ninja art taught only in shadow and quiet whispers. I don’t want to belittle those who can cook really well – you certainly have an admirable talent. What I want to say is if someone applies themselves they can probably prepare a meal of a fairly impressive standard for an amateur. I’m not saying any one can be a chef, but nearly everyone can be a cook.

                What am I trying to say, apart from perhaps digging myself into a hole with culinary experts and professional kitchen preparation artists everywhere? Simply, that anyone can cook. Get your ingredients, don’t be an idiot when you choose how to prepare them, make sure you don’t burn them, don’t drop them on the floor. The real trick is knowing what goes with what and when to mix them; the rest is just observation and light lifting. Yes, fire can be scary. Sure, you might get it wrong. Ideally check with whoever you’re cooking for that they eat what you’re going to prepare – having made this mistake it was very awkward half way through the meal when the other person revealed they didn’t eat one of the things I’d put in there. It wasn’t an allergic reaction, but it wasn’t a best pleased one either.

                Why is this relevant to dieting? Two reasons! One, it allows you to control your intake with a lot more detail and therefore you will find it easier to diet/not over eat. Again, it still requires a measure of self-control but even one of my work colleagues, who admits to having all the self-control of a small child that is high on sugar and has been set alight, is managing it now he’s preparing his own food. It also gives you a sense of satisfaction and pride in what you’re eating, a sense you deserve to eat it. I like to think this is linked to hunter-gatherer instincts rewarding you for your hard work.

                The second reason is that dieting can be expensive if you buy pre-packaged or pre-prepared diet food/meals. Actimel don’t price their yogurts and more cheaply than full fat ones because they’re giving you less stuff in them, and all types of food that sell themselves on containing less of X, Y and/or Z appear to cost more for the pleasure of their consumption. However, buying your own ingredients can be very cheap, as long as you’re not importing the finest ostrich meat from Australia or having caviar for breakfast regularly. I find that either the meals are cheaper if you buy the ingredients separately or you get a lot more meals out of the same amount of money as if you bought pre-prepared branded food stuffs. And you learn a life skill: sounds like a bargain.

                I therefore recommend doing you own cooking if you’re looking to lose weight, sticking with my theme for DIY dieting. The best way to do a thing is to learn as much as you can about it, so empower yourself with some creative cooking knowledge and get to it! Or, if you’re like me, do what you did at university in a desperate attempt to avoid awful malnutrition issues and find some succulent solutions to starvation which are both simple and satisfying.

H2Open your mind

                Yes, that is a horrible post title but it’s about as good as you’re going to get from me on a Monday morning. After an intense week of exercise, I have to admit I have sadly failed Drogo week. It started well, with me hitting the gym Monday through to Thursday, but Friday I didn’t get time and Saturday/Sunday I definitely didn’t make the time or effort. But now I do know that I can gym four days in a row, so it wasn’t entirely wasted. I now weigh in at 13st 9lbs, 191lbs or 86.6kg so while my progress has been slowed it is still there – an advance as implacable as that of a glacier, or that’s how I pitch it.

                I hope you’re already for a SURPRISE RETURN of actual diet-related advice, rather than exercise which has become a strong theme of this blog for the last month or so. That’s right, diet-fans; there is A NEW DIET HOPE! So what’s it about? More adventures into vegetables that are nearly inedible raw? A fantastic, calorie free form of rice or pasta? Chocolate you can eat free of guilt? 

                No; it’s water. Comes out of taps, the sky and people’s eyes on several occasions – although I only recommend one of those for drinking. As most people are aware the human body is somewhere between seventy and ninety percent water depending on what source you use/believe. This means, to the amateur scientist that I am, that our nutritional intake should be seventy to ninety percent water as well and hence I am now drinking about two litres of water a day. This was a big deal in the 90’s (some readers may not remember that glorious, bygone era) and I’m quite impressed I’m actually keeping up with it. 

Now, I appreciate that water has little mineral content (depending on the quality of your pipes) and that the main upshot of drinking a lot of it is that you have to answer nature’s call regularly or get good at sitting in awkward positions for long periods of time. However, it can theoretically reduce the amount you eat. My view: fill your stomach with water (next to no calories) and it can’t fit any more food in it, so you don’t get hungry. Not the most professional view but since being a nutritionist requires fewer certifications than being a car impact test dummy I will still claim to be one.

 

To reinforce my point with something a little more powerful, my very diet-knowledgeable friend explained it worked because we get a large portion of the water we need from food intake, so drinking more plain water – or high-water content drinks like squash – will effectively teach your stomach to crave water rather than food, and the difference between hunger and thirst. Whether it is actual condition or simply the psychosomatic kind it has worked for me. My snacking habits have almost completely died off, which is helping with the satisfaction and contentment side of the diet a lot. I’m sure it’s made a difference to my food intake as well. I should possibly talk to my friend more about the diet thing, since a lot of her advice was actually quite good.

One of the great things about water? You can drink it anywhere. No one looks down on people drinking water (except for certain social groups on a night out) and a lot of work places encourage it – by keeping yourself regularly hydrated you’ll find your concentration is better, your mind more responsive and you generally feel less tired and sluggish. I’m not just saying that based on what I’ve read; my experience has been of those effects as well. I also do have to make more trips to the bathroom, obviously, but that’s just more exercise. Also helps avoid my legs going to sleep from sitting in the office for nine hours of my day. 

To aid with my water drinking ways I have withdrawn my sponsorship of any carbonated drink at work – in fact, any drink apart from water. It helps the water dispensers are plentifully placed around the office and, personally, if I can hit ten cups of water in a day I consider it a success. I’m currently only on eight with a half hour to go, which might entail a quick chugging session before I leave but it has certainly kept me awake. I have over eaten today, currently sitting on 1210 of my 1420 calories for today but I am going to the gym tonight (#notanaddict) so that’s okay. I am going to try and go four days this week but at some point I will be trying a control week where I go back to the original plan – just diet, no gym. This is to measure (in a really unrepresentative and mostly non-scientific manner) what, if any, effect exercising has on my weight loss. I am hoping the result is ‘none’, in that I lose the same amount of weight in both weeks regardless of exercise. This will mean I am eating appropriately for the level I am exercising. 

But that update will have to wait at least two more weeks! For now, diet-fans, remember; don’t get irate – HYDRATE! Keep an H2Open mind and waterever you do, waterever you go keep drinking and don’t let your diet dry up.

Drogo Week

               Another week, another pound! I’m now 13st 10lbs, 192lbs or 87kg depending on your measurement preference. I fit comfortably into my 34” jeans as opposed to only just and have even more clothes to throw out. So plenty of good news, right? I’m also getting plenty of compliments too, so I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Or do I?

                I do, because I’m from the First World and as such have grown up looking for the flaws and imperfections that make my brilliant life ‘incomplete’. What am I complaining about? Myself – some might call that unusual but it is the purpose of this blog, really. What did I do? I cut my gym session last night by forty five whole minutes. I was still there for an hour and a half, and I did only cut it short because between finishing work at six, eating and getting to sleep at a decent (ish) time squashing in a gym visit of longer than an hour is difficult. The other issue was I had fallen so far behind in calorie count I had to make up by eating that I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to if I carried on through with my work out plan. I wasn’t exhausted when I left but I was tired, and had travelled fifteen km over three machines so it was by no means a wasted trip. I just feel I let myself down by not staying longer, and I’m also going to eat slightly less afterwards as I felt rotten after what was actually quite a healthy dinner of pasta, bacon and kale (cooked) – it was just an awful lot to eat at once. 

                Today my legs only ache a little and my upper body is fine, so I clearly didn’t do enough work. How to remedy this? Easy; I have created a contingency plan to compensate for this perceived failure and/or increase in ability. Now, being one of my plans, it is obviously considered, well thought through and suitably measured as a response. It certainly does not suffer from an abundance of ambition or an absence of appropriate expectation.

                This week is DROGO WEEK! I’ll be running to and using the gym every day until Friday, and most likely being increasingly tired verging on exhausted every day until Friday too. I definitely didn’t decide on this while under the influence of testosterone – which a friend has convinced me is a mind-altering drug. Regardless, that is my resolution and I will remain resolved to rectify my restrained exercise regime: If I can push myself harder, I should push myself harder.

                Now, just to prove I have given some thought to this titanic (ish) tactic I will point out that I will not be doing the same thing every day at the gym – for instance, having done thirty five minutes on the treadmill (5km) and the same time on the cross trainer (7.25km) yesterday, I will not be using them today. I’m looking at 30 minutes rowing and 35 minutes cycling. I did do ten minutes rowing yesterday for 2.3km but pushed myself too far considering I haven’t done it in about a month. I’m pretty sure if I pace myself I can manage half an hour. My brother’s comment on my rowing yesterday was pretty positive; “You looked pretty good but sounded like a Viking.”

                This is a review I will amenably accept – my music play was too loud for me to hear myself over but I have recently updated my work out playlist so rather than just being everything on my phone it is an actual playlist. It is formed of what I would consider manly, motivational tracks, so mainly metal or things like the Skyrim theme. I have crafted it after a conversation with a friend about the effects of testosterone after which I came to two conclusions; firstly I would use the sauna after every work out to calm down and secondly testosterone is the perfect biological fuel for the fires of my fitness rebirth. Ergo, the new playlist is full of tracks that were written and played after the writer/performer had injected themselves with about 250cc or equal parts testosterone and adrenaline. Currently it’s about thirty minutes in length but I’m planning to build on it. As a bonus I have substantially increased my collection of Scandinavian metal, so it has had non-exercise benefits too. It has certainly kept me motivated and pushing my limits to breaking point.

                The message this week is one of rediscovery. Don’t let your workout – or your diet – become stale or stagnant. It won’t keep you interested or enjoying it, and will make it a chore rather than a challenge, arduous rather than an adventure and embittering rather than empowering. Entropy is the only constant, the only real law of nature and therefore real rebels resist it rather than being rambunctious hipsters. Do not give in to laziness – it leads to inertia and to entropy, which leads to something much less exciting than the Dark Side. You should live your life, not just survive it and so I encourage you to vary your routine – boldly go where you haven’t been before, eat what you haven’t eaten before and do what you haven’t done before. Rediscover the enjoyment you can have from exercise or the satisfaction you find in dieting, or discover something new about those things. Hopefully you’ll even like it.

This Was Honestly Written on Monday

           So it's Monday again! And in the effort of returning to a regular posting schedule I'm writing this before I go to the gym. This morning I weighed in at 7.2kg, which is roughly 13st 11lbs. I believe that is because I weighed myself after breakfast - rookie mistake - so I hold out hope that I've actually lost weight since last week. The all-you-can-eat Chinese on Saturday won't have helped that goal though.

            At the time of writing I feel fat. I'm at 1200 of 1420 calories and a massive 900 (approx) of those were for lunch. It's a horrible mix of sleepiness, pain and being satisfied. However, I decided to eat so much because my last few gym visits have burned more calories than I ate on those days. Which sounds great except I was literally running on empty for the last 20 minutes or so - not an enjoyable experience. Especially as the television offerings were not very palatable; the Antiques Roadshow failed to steal my attention from work out pains.

            Which brings me to the point of this post; tactical distraction. This applies to both dieting and exercise, so should hold some value regardless of why you read this. I'll start with the diet side.

            Hunger strikes. Undeniably, it does so with an accuracy and reoccurring frequency that would turn lightning electric green with envy. Someone once told me your stomach has two modes - full & empty. After some thought my take on this is that your stomach is a binary communicator - like a spoilt and ungrateful child it only talks to you when it wants something. The rest of the time its communication skills are off. It is an air-raid siren; when it speaks it is only ever bad news.

            Worse, it's needy. While you relax and have no other worries - while you are otherwise perfectly content -  it will bother you, niggle at your mind, worry at your attention like a very small dog with no teeth until you sate it. Even when it doesn't really need feeding. This is mainly where the danger lies; when you're feeling safe and secure it will hit your empty mind with a demand to be made full. It will fill your mind with the demand to be full until it's all you can think about. So you cave.

            Your muscles do something similar during exercise. They cry out in desperation as your work them, like a pack of fat children sent into the mines for the first time. The more you work, the more they complain and weep lactic acid tears until you're convinced the one and only thing you can do is stop and break down, joining them in their misery and eventual relief.

            Yes, distraction is the escape plan! Hungry? Do something! Read a book, play a game, go for a walk (away from food retailers), just do something! If your mind is distracted by active or cognitive functions, concentrated on more serious bodily concerns the your hunger will be sidelined. Muscle burn and fatigue is a tougher signal to jam. To begin with if you're exercising well you'll be using a variety of muscles groups and the will bombard you in merciless bio-electrical unison. Again, your mind craves less base stimulus. Music helps, films more so if you can find one you like and something to watch it on. Conversation is the best distraction I've found but I do end up speaking quite loudly in an unfortunately Ron Burgundy-esque fashion (1:36).

            So, what, in fact, is my advice? Prepare distractions when you get ready to go. Got a tablet? Download some films. Bring you phone along and some ear buds. Prepare a playlist that will keep you heart pounding and your brain in the primal state designed by evolution to keep you running from large, angry predators. Go with a friend and gossip a bit (as long as you're okay sharing it with half the gym if you're anything like me) or compete with them.

            You mind is designed to protect your body; unless you actively resist your willpower will give out long before you damage your muscles with exercise. It sounds difficult to believe but that's your brain already working its protective, subconscious magic. Do not plateau. Do not surrender to the temptation of weakness. Do not be Samwell Tarly. Nature did not design the human body to be inactive, unresponsive or weak. You have the fluid grace of a pouncing tiger, the raw strength of an angry gorilla and the undying determination of the lone wolf inside you - you just have to find it. I've spent awhile unearthing it and I'm still doing so. I'm hoping it's like an iceberg and there's a lot more yet to dig up. The only obstacle is your reasoned self-doubt and & your very human susceptibility to self-delusion. Your ability to do a thing is measured first by your belief you can do it, not by your actual ability to. (0:22)

            You may even find new things to enjoy - somehow the Narnia films have got me through a couple of runs despite my original dislike for them. So prepare you distractions, ignore the pleas and pains your body bombards you with and battle towards a brighter, lighter you.

No Snow, Plenty of Food

           A very Merry Christmas time to you! Or whatever time of year you're celebrating at the moment - just as long as you enjoy it. It has been distinctly drizzly and drenching in the English South, varying from the former while I'm inside to the latter when I leave a building. Apart from falling water, I have also had plenty of food during the festive time - has my weight suffered?

            No! Happily - I am now 192.5lbs, 13st and 10.5lbs or just over 87kgs. This is great news, and no I didn't do it by avoiding any kind of main meals or by cutting down on what I ate during those meals. I did it by making sure I stuck to my calories - and usually did so in a single meal - or by getting to the gym/going for a run on days I new I'd be eating a lot.

            This made Christmas and New Year about the same as the rest of the time I've dieted, as far as dieting went. Sure, maybe I had to do a little more exercise and maybe I had a bit of a food coma on Christmas night BUT I didn't have to reduce the amount I enjoyed myself on any occasion. Which is obviously a massive plus.

            As far as the gym goes I am now regularly running for 65 minutes and average about 9.2km in that time. I don't enjoy it for the first twelve minutes, the space between minutes thirty-two and forty-nine but I am pushing myself to maintain the practice. Eventually it will become easier and then comfortable, at which point I will have to up my speed so I still make progress with it. I'm doing heavier weights now as well so when I leave the gym I'm exhausted, hungry, buzzing with energy and immensely dehydrated. Survival advice: Don't talk to me between the end of a gym session and the end of my shower afterwards. I don't make for good company. Some people might find that hard to believe - some, I'm sure, would try to argue that I never make good company - but it happens. It's a problem I'll look into solving in the near future but for now I just have a long, hot shower which seems to do the trick.

            My one failure (dietwise) this week/ten period has been the KFC I had on New Year's day when I got back from London. It was glorious, I loved it, and it really hit the spot (and was technically within calories) but about two hours later I regretted it - I got hungry again. A friend (who's identity I forget at time of writing but I was grateful to for the following information) posted an image on Facebook about why you get urges for certain food groups and possible alternatives that are less fattening; this is potentially a diet-saver for those who have problems. Helpfully I did save the image:

            Pretty neat, right? I haven't tried it out yet but I'm going to be stocking up on kale like it's going out of style. Nuts and Seeds also seem a fairly good snack-food but I appreciate some people have allergies and others might be aware that nuts are actually considerably more fattening than their size suggests. I may even try seaweed but what I've done to solve my 'salty food' craving is to have a pasta meal (not microwaved or pre-packaged) and then adding salt to it. Seems to work - I appreciate it isn't exactly solving the problem but it's got to be better than eating unhealthy things with more salt in. I'm immensely suspicious of eating seeds as I have a childhood fear of plants growing out of my stomach if I eat their seeds from some fairytale or other but I might even give that a go.

            Last bit: Thank yous and stuffs. My brothers Matt and Marcus (as well as the rest of my family) are a continuing source of encouragement and have started joining me at the gym when we can all make it. My friends Paul and Lofty also join me at the gym quite a lot and their compliments and encouraging comments/challenges keep me going. Chris Enfield, Eddy Cara, Dan Drummond and Stuart Merritt are also inspirational by example - I don't talk to them so much as the others but credit where credit is due; they don't all work out, they weren't all overweight but they have all given me reason to keep to trying whether they know it or not. Other thanks: Michael Measures, Cat Haley, Kate Brady, Michael Oswell, Richard Bailey, Dan Adams, Eddie Hopkins, John Dulle, Shereen Fever, David Dyson and everyone else who's said a couple of encouraging things to me when they've had the chance (or complained to their partner about their lack of effort in losing weight after seeing me). There are a lot more people who should be on this list but in the interest of not making this seem like a list of names I'm saving the others for another time. Honestly, I appreciate every word said to me about it so don't stop.

            Not a shameless call for people to feed my ego. Never.