So here it is, Merry Christmas

           And another delayed post! Although a lot of people won't be surprised - some may even be impressed I managed two in ten days. This time my excuse is Christmas and my brother coming home for it as a surprise. Lots of business, no time to blog. Time for diet? Time for gym? Time to Drogo? Yes, yes and yes.

            I managed to hit the gym today after being generously offered a half day at work. As the tail end of a challenge I've taken part in I (with more blasé and confidence than I truly felt) recently boasted to a fellow gym goer that I could run further than her in an hour, or something to that affect. I can't remember exactly what I said, but my intention was to imply I could run further than she could in the same space of time. This morning was full of trepidation and doubt, culminating in my confidence nearly breaking upon mounting the treadmill.

            Fortunately it didn't. The challenge was five miles (8km) in an hour. A fifty-five minute run and a five minute cool-down later I had achieved my goal.

            Just. BUT I truly, honestly felt I could have kept running. I hit my second wind around 20 minutes and after that I think my body gave up complaining. I really felt I could have run and run and run. And I almost did; thankfully I called it there. I was a little off balance as I walked to the weight machines but that passed after my legs had a rest.

           

            I won't lie, I was tired but not exhausted. I was pretty damn impressed with myself for managing it - my normal runs are at a slightly faster pace but only for 20-25 minutes - and from now on I am approaching the gym with a new challenge: Never plateau. This wasn't a direct challenge (although nor was the last one, I just took it as one) since I've never met the man who put forward that exercise philosophy. He's also dead, so sadly I won't. However, Bruce Lee was an incredible person and the perfect inspiration for any work out.

            Now, I know some of you are going to be laughing at the idea that I want to reach his level of fitness. If you are one of them you have failed to read my intention correctly. Of course I don't plan to be the next Bruce Lee; by the age of 25 he had already made a name for himself. While I would like to be that incredible, he did die in his forties because he went beyond the level of fitness his body could sustain - not the goal. He is my inspiration and his attitude and technique can be applied to anyone's situation:

• As you think, so shall you become.

• A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.

• Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.

• Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.
  
  
• If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.

           

            Nothing in the above says you can not achieve great things. Everything there tells me that I can reach new levels and gain new strengths. When someone says something is beyond their reach I can now say, "Not out of mine." If I truly want something I can pursue it; even if a goal is not reached I will have gained knowledge and experience from the pursuit.

            Except flight. Having made the boast to my youngest brother that I taught Clark Kent everything he knew about being Superman I will have to admit that unaided flight is perhaps outside my current or future capabilities.

            Having said that, staying standing proved too much while stretching and having the reaper horn (first couple of seconds) blare into my headphones while my eyes were closed. Anyone who has played Mass Effect will understand why the flight-or-fight mechanism panicked and I say giant red lasers in my minds eyes. I fell over onto someone else and I'm not sure I hid my expression of confusion that well. Fortunately she just assumed I'd collapsed from (hopefully manly) exhaustion and made sure I was all right while laughing it off. I can't say I was at my most eloquent but it was as embarrassing as it could have been. I think it was more a conditioned response to the sound effect rather than actual exhaustion but explaining it could have been difficult....

            And lastly, Merry Christmas! Or Happy Channukah! Or an enjoyable whatever you celebrate - and if you don't, enjoy the time off. If you don't get any of that I hope the festive season treats you well. Regardless of what you do, have fun! Otherwise it's really not worth it, is it?

Once More Dieting for the Beach!

            So it's been nearly a month! Three weeks? Ish? I should have lost another six pounds. Man, being 190lbs would be great - that's only 10lbs from goal. That'd be pretty good going, right?

            Yes, is the answer. As you may have guessed from my wording I have sadly not achieved this progress. I am in fact now 197lbs - that's correct, I've put on one whole pound! In actual fact I put on four and lost three, which sounds a lot better. This was not due to a failing at Drogo'ing (Yes, that's totally a verb amongst my friends and I now - although it doesn't mean we pour molten gold on each other) but rather a spree of comfort eating and celebratory binge-ing.

            I suffered a couple of knocks to my confidence in the time since I last wrote, as well as dealing with the stress of starting a new job while leaving another - by Christmas I will have worked thirty of the thirty five days leading up to it. This combination of emotionally draining factors explains the comfort eating.

            The binges were a combination of celebrations and indulging in the restaurant at my new work place, which is superb but not too caring of diets - I'm pretty sure the chef is from somewhere where the idea of not eating heartily is punishable by becoming a yak and he would only laugh me down if I dared ask about calorie content. I expect roughly 100% less sympathy for these reasons.

            The lesson I'm taking from this is that I can relax the diet - quite a lot - and still recover from it. I didn't give up on the gym. Quite the opposite; I'm being accused of being an addict and fear it may be true. A week without three gym visits leaves me feeling like a failure now. I can also fit into 34" jeans now for the first time in about six years, so I'm going to put some of the weight gain down to muscle development and ignore people who argue otherwise until it's true.

            I did enjoy eating whatever I wanted again but I definitely overate on several occasions & felt pretty bad for it. Which is a good sign - I just have to heed it in the future. I also definitely enjoyed drinking freely again but after half a litre ish of vodka and a two-day hangover I've decided to give that up until New Year. Which can only help the diet :)

            How did I give up excess and return to a self-inflicted, grueling regime of restraint and self-denial? Firstly, my goal has not been achieved. This was foremost in my mind & I knew it would remain incomplete unless I put the effort back into working for it. Secondly I found it unrewarding once I'd gone too far. It just wasn't worth it to continue eating after a certain point. So I put it aside and got back on with working towards what I really wanted - a faster, stronger, better me.

            In one sense I gave up overeating for the same reason a lot of people give up dieting a short while after starting; habit and familiarity. This makes me happy - a warm glow under my aching muscles and occasionally grumbling stomach that let's me know I'm getting towards the level of fitness and the attitude which accompanies it that I want to have. While the last three weeks have been a set back they have demonstrated to me that I want to continue dieting and the exercise on both a conscious and subconscious level. Which is golden.

            So why haven't I blogged in three weeks? Social life, new work, old work sign off, family, gaming and more social stuff. Basically this part isn't habitual yet. I'll work on it - but thank you & sorry to everyone who has chased me up about this blog. I'll try to keep up with your interest in the future! Keep commenting/messaging/telling me your thoughts and I'll try to keep responding to them!

NB: I know England has a tiny beach season and few enough beaches that accommodate it comfortably but if I prepare now I'll be ready for it come July.

Not Quite What Was Expected...

            So I had a post planned for today but it's completely escaped my mind so this is going to be something different altogether. I have now achieved the goal of 14st, or 196lbs. How do I feel? Successful. But more than that I actually feel a little depressed. I know most of my blog entries have been fairly light hearted, and some may interpret this as a cry for attention, but this is where I get to post and publish my thoughts and feelings about my dieting progress. Since this is pretty relevant, it's getting posted. I also believe honesty is important in anything someone considers important, and since this is important to me I'll give honesty a go ^^

            I've just got back from a two hour session at the gym. I was slightly unimpressed with my performance on the treadmill, so pushed myself on the rower and cross trainer. Net gain of this wasafter only achieving 3.26k in 25 minutes on the 'mill, I managed 4.3k in 19 minutes on the rower and an impressive 5.36k in 25 minutes on the 'trainer. I then did about half an hour of weight and muscle work before a ten minute light cycle to cool off. After all of this I felt triumphant, pleased and downright exhilarated - all the way to my car.

           

            While I waited for parents to dance the dance of parking space exchange so I could leave a wave of depression set in. It probably doesn't help that I've been fighting a bit of stress-anxiety over the last few days - the source of which is not relevant to the blog so I won't go in to it, but suffice to say it's a few sources rather than just one - but I realised that while I keep saying I'm doing this for myself, to get in better shape and to be proud of the achievement really that's not the case. As with 99.99% of everything humans do it is mainly because of other people. Societies standards, pier groups, perceived expectations; I realised with a crushing certainty that I was responding to these on an instinctive level and cognitively creating reasons for it that I could justify to myself.

            Why was this depressing? Partly because, as those who know me can attest, I've never been one to do something because it's expected or 'the done thing'. I've always wanted to be my own person and have developed a behaviour and set of standards so that I can be that - checks and balances against being 'normal', if you will. Some may call this being hipster; please don't do this to my face. It will upset me.

            The other part is that I realised why I was finding the whole process so difficult. While I'm at the gym pushing myself past my psychological limits to find my physical ones, or when I find an old pair of jeans that's too big for me, I get a little bit of personal positive reinforcement and it makes me happy. But only for a short time - after the feeling fades or you throw the jeans out, the source is gone. So really the reinforcement comes from positive comments your peers give you, or the way you get second looks on a Friday night; these complimentary gestures stack up and give you that positive reinforcement even when you're not at the gym, or when you've run out of old jeans to find. In that motivation is the drive to continue, to do more and achieve more so you can keep getting those compliments and good feelings.

            Obviously I do get some and I thank the friends that are being supportive. I didn't realise until recently how much it meant to me so this is a heart-felt thank you for your support in the past and any that you continue to give. If I didn't have that I could succumb to the fate that meets most dieters; surrender to the indefatigable message your mind sends you that it is just not worth since no one is appreciating it enough.

           

            This, I think, is partly why the gym is addictive; people go to keep receiving that burst of adrenaline and burning energy that fuels them as a reward. And if they can commit to that and be independent of other's views, or can compensate for not getting enough positive reinforcement from outside sources, then great for them. Or perhaps they do get enough, in which case I'm insanely jealous. I am a proud person, despite the impression I might give to others sometimes, and I can admit I enjoy basking in the compliments of others anyway. I can also admit I don't want to be a muscle-bound goliath who can't cross his arms; I'd much rather be in shape and toned and not have gym for three hours twice a day so I didn't lose the body I had become so proud and attached to. So this is a message to let those of you who show it know I appreciate all of the compliments, comments, motivation and encouragement you give me. I now understand how important it is to me, so please don't stop.

            If you're reading this and don't know me, or think you don't know me well enough to talk to me about this, I'm sure you know someone who is trying to lose weight or get in shape. Let them know you notice it, encourage them and keep doing it. Even if you know someone who is already in shape and works out a lot to keep, give them a kind word or a hug (if you can get your arms around them) and I'm sure they'll be grateful. Hell, people get paid money per hour - I don't think anyone would be upset to receive encouragements and compliments at the same rate.


EDIT: In amongst telling me I should start listening to Miley Cyrus, my brother pointed out I hadn't been eating regularly which may have contributed. I will have to amend this (eating patterns, not lack of listening to Miley Cyrus).

Viserys to Drogo in Seven Months

            So one of my friends has actually taken me up on the offer of being an amateur PT. We were talking about May Comicon (because we're massive geeks) and he said he wanted to go as Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones. I commented that he'd have to hit the gym a bit first as be looks more like Viserys Targaryen. Affronted, my friend asked what was wrong with Viserys. Anyone who is familiar with the series will know there's a whole list of things wrong with Viserys, but I put it to him like this;

           "Either you can be Khal Drogo who was feared and respected across the Dothraki nation, or you can be Viserys Targaryen who played with his sister's nipples."

            He came to the gym today. He's also agreed to attend regularly. I feel my powers of persuasion were faultless. Drogo has his flaws but no one wants to be Viserys. He now has seven months to achieve his goal.

           

            Session one went well for him and I had a lighter session - today not being a normal gym day, so I mainly focused on weights and muscle work after a twenty minute warm up with cardio. He pushed himself too far to begin with - my constant haranguing and drill-sergeant style motivation technique probably not helping - but he found a happy medium. We also had a bit of a chat about our work out plans and philosophies while he, another friend who came along and I had a stretch out session which demonstrated how amazingly inflexible my body is. It felt good to hear his concerns about starting to visit a gym regularly as I had them when I began, and I still have some now - some may never go. Like my constant desire to look as good as the CG enhanced super heroes in films now. However, I think the chat reassured him.

            I also did five whole pull ups. This probably demonstrates how poor my fitness was/still is to some extent. To those of you who exercise regularly and have done for years I appreciate five pull ups sounds like nothing. Considering I weighed 18.5 stone eight months ago and have only been visiting the gym for the last three months, I think this is a huge success. I haven't been able to do any pull ups in years and it felt great. GREAT. I'm going to be aiming to do a set of fifteen in sessions by Christmas.

            I've noticed that I can do a lot more now than I used to - both cardio and weights - the session I did today would have been a push three months ago but was comfortably manageable today. I'm also flat when I lie down on my back rather than having a small hill that would require contour lines on a map where my stomach was. I haven't quite lost the belly but it's nearly there - Gregory is nearly dead. My brother is both impressed and distraught at this news. I am, as of today, 14st 3lbs - 199lbs! Under two hundred and only seventeen left to go! The goal having been shifting to 13st or 182lbs has not made me less optimistic; if anything I am more so. I have even started thinking (dangerously) that the goal may not in fact be enough and I could go lower. According to wikianswers (professional sourcing right there) the average weight for a man my height and age is 158-172lbs, which is 11-12st. However, the answer made it clear that this was going to be 'inaccurate or unrepresentative of personal workout regimes'. So should my goal in fact be 172lbs? I will have to think on this. For now, I'm keeping it at 182.

            Last week when I tried to do pull ups I could only manage one - this week I have quintupled that. Three months ago I could barely row a kilometer in eight minutes - I'm now doing 2k in ten minutes. My improvement on the treadmill and crosstrainer is such that I wouldn't have believed I could manage it. I have to again thank everyone who has been encouraging and supportive of my weight loss drive but I cannot ignore the fact that I had to find this motivation from within. You won't lose weight if you don't want to - just like you don't achieve things if you don't really want them. We make time, put in effort and find money for things we really want; this is a key life philosophy of mine. Another my friends are familiar with is Don't Ask, Don't Get - if you don't ask for something, you won't get it. I've been asking ymself "Can I lose this weight?", "Can I do one more set?" and "Can I do this faster?" for eight months and I have got all of those things by demanding them of myself constantly. However, it wasn't until today when I was trying to convince my friend to come to the gym that I really summed out my workout philosophy: "Everyday you're not Drogo, you're Viserys."

             

Home straight and ambitious extras.

            Fourteen stone, four and a half pounds. 75% of a single stone of weight left before I hit my goal. I'm very excited. You know what else I am? Surprised that I've still got a bit of a belly - I have had not one, not two but three good friends prove to me however that it's not uncommon for a man to have a bit of a belly. An excuse? No. Acceptable? My society, maybe, but not by me. Personally I want to be admired rather than classed as mediocre or average and thus I am going to work to be admirable.

           

            I'm doing more focused ab work at the gym and trying to get sit-ups in on a daily basis. I've also decided to extend my target; I will still be lowering the strictness of my diet when I reach 14st but I will be sticking with it until I hit 13st rather than 13 and a half. This is partly to finish killing Gregory but also because if I can get to 13 and maintain it I will be even more impressed with myself. There's a chance I may go even lower depending on how I feel. But for now I'll only move the goal posts a little bit.

            This weight reached is pretty impressive since I went to a very early Thanksgiving this Sunday which basically killed me, or so I thought. However through stringent psychological training and zen-like meditative abilities I have managed to stay on course. And damn am I proud; after last week's slip up I feel like Vader must have when he destroyed the base at Hoth - bearing down on a goal that was soon to be within his grasp!.

            And so, amongst all this happiness, what am I adding to keep my feet on the ground? Well, Thanksgiving held but two vegetables - green beans and sweet potatoes - and so was not massively nutritious. To make things worse the sweet potato was covered in marshmellows. I don't know why this wasn't a desert but it was amazing. I highlight this because my diet, such that it is, lacks somewhat in nutritious content. This is because, mainly, I haven't been monitoring it and/or taking other people's advice about what I eat as well as how much. Cue the 'I told you so!'s.

            To remedy this I am resurrecting my use of the My Fitness Pal app as it can go someway towards tracking my nutritional intake which is exactly what I need. I am still taking my multivits but I would ideally not need to take them so by making this change I can start my path towards complete dietary independence.

            In other news I totally hit my target for increasing my gym workout. I'm on 20k in 80minutes and quite comfortably - I think I could actually go a little longer on some of the machines (Not rowing. Screw that increase until next month) but for now I'm happy to maintain the new target until I began to get comfortable. Likewise, I have upped my weight work to make sure I keep benefitting from that as well and am now doing 100 situps at the gym. ONE FRIGGING HUNDRED! Three months ago I could barely manage fifteen.

            I'm still getting the compliments and preening each and every time, although I'm getting much better responding to them. I'm also throwing out many of my fat man clothes and wearing tee-shirts that I think are a little too small but actually look better than wearing one-man tents. And I'm very, very nearly past the stage when I care what random strangers think.

            I have discovered I need a new hoodie though so that's on the Christmas list and I'm getting ambitious and requesting a medium. BAM! How's that for optimism? As always, please comment or subscribe or both, feedback is always welcome!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

            That's basically the challenge that has been set down to me concerning my work out this week. Since I was planning on upping it anyway it nicely ties in but I may have over estimated my ability by saying I would add 10 minutes and 6km to my work out by the end of this week. Still, as I point out to my friends in a horrible attempt at a Bronx accent, "You ain't nothing if you don't got ambition!".

            I am at 203lbs this morning, although I was 202lbs yesterday so I'm not too upset - especially as Friday and to some extent Saturday were awful binge days. I'm not really sure why but I was in a pretty dark mood Thursday through to Saturday night. I've got a couple of ideas but it's not really important - net result was my diet suffered slightly. However, I'm now at the gym for 70-80 minutes and burning off 650-700 calories with each visit so I'm pretty chuffed with that. I also feel like I've been completely drained of energy afterwards but I accept that as part of the bargain.

            What have I done this week to improve my weight loss regime? Well, I stuck to my gym schedule pretty closely, but figured adding a trip on Sunday was probably fine. It worked out okay, so the schedule has been adapted to Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday. I also had to slap myself for misreading the calorie amounts on sliced ham although since I was over estimating the value I'm not too upset as it just means I get to eat more. For future reference - KJ's and Kcals are not the same thing. Obvious point but sometimes we miss the obvious things. I sure as hell did.

            Diet-wise I am finding it difficult to eat appropriately to compensate for the gym. At the moment I tend to still have a limited breakfast and lunch, go to the gym and burn 90% of my day's intake off and then have a huge dinner to compensate, occasionally treating myself to a beer if there's not enough food in the house or I simply can't bring myself to eat enough. Good point: My appetite is more controlled. Bad point: I shouldn't have so many calories in one go. A balanced intake over the course of the day would be much better.

            My diet goal for this week, as a result, is to work out how many calories to eat before gym so that it balances with those after the gym. This has two positive gains - firstly, my metabolism will have a more regular cycle and be able to adapt to it faster, encouraging weight loss. Second, I won't be able to argue that since I've eaten so little I don't necessarily have to go to the gym. This unhelpful train of thought is spawned from the inherent laziness that still survives within me and I am most displeased with it for doing so. By eating a substantial amount before the gym I will have to go so I can have a decent dinner, and hopefully this psychological block will be expunged.

            I also got laughed at for the first time at the gym this weekend, but not because I was fat, or because I wasn't working out to a decent degree, or because I was about to die on the cross trainer. It was because I was male; I had been lost in my own world trying to ignore the fact my body was screaming abuse at me, that I still had the cycling machine to do or that I was occasionally singing Plentakill lyrics under my breath and then looked up to find myself surrounded by women on the other cross trainers with a gym attendant moving between them and giving advice. The only other men were over in the weights area. My confused look got the smirking gym attendant - also female - to come over. She greeted me with, "So you're here for Girl Power Hour, I take it? You look a little lost." This was greeted with giggles and titters from the other girls and women around me.

            I could feel a rising panic - had I invaded a women-only class? Should I have known about it? Which window was most likely to break if I ran into it so I could escape this awkward moment? - but the response I gave was, "No, actually, I'm okay here. Thanks though, and I'm happy to help anyone who needs it." This didn't go down well with the gym attendant - she and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye on things, like using my phone while on the treadmill or my refusing to go through the induction process properly - but got a couple of laughs. I then had to man up and try to beat the girls either side of me; as a man, I would never live down being beaten by a girl. I suspect they were actually in better shape than me but I managed to maintain pace and ran for two minutes longer than they did so I'm going to claim victory. I definitely didn't look as chirpy as they did though.

            Penultimate for this entry is an offer. That's right, I'm offering something to other people beyond my own self-satisfied advice. If anyone in my local area - i.e. someone who knows me and lives nearby - wants to start going to the gym but isn't wholly confident about it I can help. On days I don't go to the gym, I am going to be going to the gym because as an amateur Sci-Fi writer I love paradox but also because I don't want to get into lazy habits. These sessions will be much shorter and more technical than my main sessions and would be a good introduction to the gym should someone want one. I'd also like company at the gym from people I get on with. If you don't know me or don't live near me I can still offer advice and instruction, to some extent, so feel free to get in touch! Comment here or email me at killingfatsoftly@gmail.com, or if you have another of my emails you can use that.

              Lastly, please comment and/or subscribe if you're enjoying this blog or find it remotely interesting/helpful. All support is appreciated greatly :D

Isolate, Zoom, Enhance; Deeper into Dieting.

            THE GOAL IS IN SIGHT! As of this morning I am 204lbs, 14lbs or a single stone off of my target weight of 190lbs or 13.5 stone! Which is approximately 89kgs for those who aren't familiar with the single greatest scale of weight measurement I know.

            The bad news is that I would still call myself fat. I'm sure a lot of my friends would not, but then some of them didn't when I was borderline obese - and not the good side of the borderline, to boot. I'm several people I know would call me fat, some of them being other friends. Regardless, I only have to look at myself to know I've made impressive progress and I would like to thank everyone who has helped, advised, instructed and/or motivated me along the way - all encouragement is gratefully received.

            Nearing the end of my weight loss drive I can safely say that my biggest problem now are hunger-grumps. On days I don't go to the gym I eat substantially less than on days I do and anyone who knows me will be most likely agree I am at my most generally un-fun when I'm hungry. The one who suffers this the most is probably my girlfriend who has braved meals with me when I'm starving - a time when I would normally slouch off alone to eat something and not inflict myself on anyone. I do listen when she tells me I need to eat something - a politer way of telling me I'm being moody - but sometimes I fear my efforts to restrain my bad mood just look like I'm sulking.

            The problem regarding these mood swings is energy levels - or I'm going to assume it's energy levels; if this is incorrect can someone please correct me. I've known for a long time I get grumpy or easily frustrated when I'm hungry and do try to warn people. Working in a call centre customer services team I knew my worst calls were usually just before lunch when the promise of food was on the horizon but tauntingly out of reach until I had convinced the mutton-head on the end of the phone that they had not, in fact, been wronged and if they employed whatever reading skill they had with regard to the policy they would appreciate this. Alas, it rarely happened.

            Example: On Saturday I went shopping with girlfriend after watching a film. My first mistake was when she said, "I need to pick up some new boots" I didn't immediately begin preparing myself for a shopping trip. I even offered it, so the fault lies squarely on my head. We were only actually roaming around for about an hour but I'd only had a couple of nibbles of ice-cream to eat. I used to be quite good at the whole shopping-assistant/bag-carrier thing but I didn't succeed in this instance. I didn't realise I was being moody until she told me I needed to eat something, so I must have been pretty hungry.

            I didn't realise how hungry I was until she confiscated the chilli oil and I felt wronged. I quickly corrected myself - she hadn't said a word about my eating a whole pizza, and had even given me some of hers. I use this example to highlight how unreasonable hunger can make me and, I assume in a rather hopeful manner, everyone else.

            The chilli oil wasn't really going to add anything to the meal that it didn't already have. I still felt a flash of pain it had been denied me. That was my body begging for sustenance. After some retrospective analysis, I believe my work out pattern, and the subsequent it has on my eating habits, can be named as the source of this problem. I used to work out three days in a row and then have four days rest. There's a lot of advice around for working out, and I liked the idea of getting my workouts done and dusted early in the week so followed that pattern.

            This was a mistake. While it does work for some, it is a pretty bad idea if you're on a strict-ish diet like myself. The net result is if you work out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then rest for four days you have a substantially higher calorie intake on those days followed by a longer period of eating less. This, I think, confuses the body's metabolism and so one ends up running on empty nearer the end of the cycle - Saturday and Sunday, in this instance. Ergo I am at my most unfriendly and anti-social on these days, which are classically the days reserved for socialization and seeing people one is supposed to be friendly and amiable with.

            Through some miracle my friends have not deserted me. Following other, probably more appropriate advice I have now changed my workout pattern to Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday so it is more evenly spread over the course of the week. This means my average calorie intake is much more level from day to day, and hopefully my energy levels - along with my ability to be a decent person who's company is desirable - should be higher on average throughout the week. It also makes Saturdays extremely busy for me but I cannot complain; it's all self inflicted and mostly enjoyable.

            My point is that while you should have a workout and diet plan that is preferable to you, it should be taken into consideration the effects it may have on other parts of your life. Are there knock on effects? What impact will it have on you as a person? Is it, all things considered, really the workout and diet plan that is most preferable. Remember, you can always change it later so don't feel that because it might not work a month, two months down the line is reason to scrap it all together. Take it apart and piece it back together. You want to work out three days a week? Which days do you have time? What are you doing on those days? What are you doing the days after? Is it really appropriate you do it then?

            This might seem to conflict with other advice I have given, but I would say that it is more of an update as I become more aware and informed about the process of dieting and exercise. Do it for you, above and beyond all else, but consider how it will affect you and those around you. It's not worth becoming the guy or girl at the gym that everybody hates and laughs at for having no friends. Unless you already have no friends; if that is the case, go for it.

My War on Fat Continues

            I acknowledge this post is a bit fast after the last one BUT in the interests of trying to get back on track I thought it was worth doing. I have unsurprisingly not lost weight since yesterday. However, as you may have guessed from the title I wanted to go back to the issue of food rather than exercise as I haven't really visited it for some time. This is because the focus of my diet regime has become exercise for the recent past but that will normalize after I've been going to the gym regularly for awhile I expect.

            Firstly, I'm eating a lot more now. This is because I am exercising. "But surely you should just not eat, surely that would only help you lose weight?" - Yes, through starvation. Let's do the math:

Daily calorie intake (aimed at losing 2lbs/wk): 1420

Starvation limit (the minimum I require to stay out of my body's emergency fat storage mode): 1200

Average workout in calories: 450-500.

            So, 1420 - 450 = 970. This is 230 below the starvation limit. Yes, I could in theory set my calorie limit at 1200 but that leaves no margin for error as well as leaving me to very little to eat. Arguably, I could exercise to gain some back as I am doing at the moment but there are a few things that put me off this. Firstly, the margin for error is, as mentioned, zero and I'd rather have a safety blanket for the days I do go under. Secondly, the extra 220 calories a day gives me a lot more freedom with my food choices and means I don't have to stress about it so much, in turn making the whole diet thing easier. Thirdly there's a lot of professional advice (almost overwhelming) that strongly suggests trying to lose more than two pounds of weight a week is bad for you.

            And, finally, losing 2lbs of weight a week is a lot. That's three and a half 8oz steaks a week I am meant to be losing from my body mass, or the equivalent weight of one and half litres of water. That's loads! It's probably more than I eat in a day, and only about 60% of that is actually taken into my body! (Obviously this is how dieting works. I highlight it for comparative reasons). It averages out at a stone every two months. So losing more than that is probably unnecessary anyway.

           

            Ergo, if you are trying to lose weight but are putting effort into going to the gym while on a restrictive diet, DO reward yourself with a little bit extra to eat. DO NOT assume it's all bonus calorie loss and think three sandwiches will power you through your normal day as well as a five mile hike or treadmill run. The human body is a biological machine which needs fuel to achieve activity. You wouldn't hold off on filling your car up because burning fumes for longer makes the engine more efficient, would you?

            I have become slightly lax with my restraints as well, following the gym endeavours. Sometimes I need some emergency calories - like if I work too hard at the gym or haven't eaten enough beforehand. Ergo, I have had 3 packets of crisps in the last month and about thirty chips. The chips didn't even feel good but I was out for a meal and desperately need to make up for calories after I found out that we weren't going to be getting popcorn. I also occasionally get to have a beer or two as opposed to being laughed at for drinking spirits with diet mixers rather than 'manly' drinks. Those jibes cut deep, lads, but when I hit my goal I'll still show you all up at the celebration.

            I have just returned from the shop to get more multivitamins. I also bought some of the Sun-Bite crisps as they're low in calories (more by virtue of being few in number than being well made) for emergency calories and a twenty-four pack of diet coke. I went down in cut-offs, flip flops and a Hawaiian shirt which I threw on so I wasn't indecently clad. Not fantastic gear for October in England but I drove there and back so the cold didn't catch me. Nor the rain, thankfully.

            However I did over-hear two girls/women/female denizens of my home town commenting on my purchases behind me in the queue. I admit, it wasn't the most amazingly balanced set of items to buy but to be fair it was none of their business. One of them made the comment, "If he wants to get in shape why not buy foods with that stuff in and not multivits and junk?" I turned around and, rather than yelling at them which was my first impulse, asked with what I hoped to be a condescending smile what they knew about my diet. This stunned them and their-previously silent male companion. Fortunately calling people on snide remarks is not something often done in English supermarkets so I had the initiative. I told them maybe I was aware my diet lacked certain vitamins and minerals due to medical problems I had, or perhaps they were for a family member. In fairness I could make my diet more balanced min/vit-wise but the Omega3 ones are pretty vital because I can't eat fish.

            The guy actually came to their rescue, although I think his aim was more to make fun of them and ease any tension that might have been in the air, by telling them they should really think before they speak. From some awkward place inside me I keep emotions I don't need sprang a bit of guilt; they were only about eighteen or twenty and I probably didn't need to confront them with the aim of ripping apart whatever they said to me so I laughed it off and said it was fine but maybe they should ask before they judge next time. So it all went better than expected, they apologised and I forgave them.

            They had also commented on my dress sense before looking in my basket but in fairness I had no defence; I was in beach gear in a country where wearing shorts in October is a good way to find out how absorbent your lower legs are. The flip-flops probably would have been hidden in jeans. The shirt was part of a group decision to have the least serious team uniform at any gaming events my friends and I went to compete in and as such would never be worn anywhere except a tropical beach and even then only by people who had little taste in fashion, clothing or colour patterns in general.

            Really what I am trying to relay is that I have become very aware of what I'm eating all the time to the extent that I sometimes only eat half a meal because while I really, really, really, wanted to eat it all of it was too much for my calories. I have started using the practice of doggy bags again and usually have the rest of my meal the next day, though, so I'm actually eating a lot of food I want a lot of the time. Which is great for my dietary morale. So my advice from this post can be condensed to: eat what you want, when you want it but only in the correct quantity.

            On a particularly bad day, the correct quantity is 'as much as you like'. The diet is for you, it does not rule you. Comfort eating is understandable in extreme situations and you shouldn't make yourself feel worse by avoiding it. Having said that a 'particularly bad day' should only happen to you once every fortnight at most. If it happens more often you have non-diet issues to address and should do so first. Always remember that dieting is a first-world issue and should not be put above life necessities like having a job.

Zen and the Art of Diet, Part I

            I am aware this is very, very delayed and have been nagged about getting this post done all week. The diet was on target until Friday night when basically everything I knew about my home town fell apart and I think myself and my friends we still in shock on Saturday. That's my excuse for the last two days. I got nothing to excuse the rest of the week I didn't post.

           

            I am now pretty squarely set into my gym going ways - I go three days in every seven. It started at about 40 minutes but I've pushed it up to an hour in pursuit of my goal. I now weigh 206lbs and am about as fit as I was when I was 20. That isn't saying I'm greatly in shape, but I'm getting there. I'm finding it easier to push myself further while working out and I'm starting to get some enjoyment out of it - although part of that is linked to a relief I don't have to sweat heavily in front of innocent members of the public for any longer when I'm finished.

            I'm finding that I can reach a stage of ache and discomfort from which my body doesn't move on or degrade from while working out, a balance of having the energy to work out and the ache that lets me know it is working. It's not a great feeling, but was I've got I know I can keep going for a while without having to worry about being out of breath, having heart palpations or collapsing which is good. I think part of my problem before was not being familiar with this state so I didn't know when I reached it. It's a weird kind of stress and tension that feels functional. Someone will probably tell me that it's part of evolutionary biology and part of chemical psychology but all I need to know - and all I'm going to tell you - is that it makes for a great work out condition.

            The harder part has been getting to the gym. Complications with my car and a couple of holidays I've had to cancel have put me in a pretty damned bad mood this week and I didn't really want to do anything productive. However, I figured physical exertion is the best way to express anger and frustration so managed to goad myself into going to the gym. A couple of friends (probably unknowingly) helped by asking about it at just the right moment. I've also made a friend there, after a rocky start, which has helped a lot. Even if she thinks I'm a lot better at the gym than I really am it's nice to know someone there. It's like the gym people are slowly accepting me.

            What else? I was warned that talking about beer and calories in the same sentence was the gayest thing I'd ever done after calculating how much a round at the pub was in calories in under a couple of seconds and I got away with ordering diet mixers all night at my local even after the staff found out I was on a diet and laughed at me. I mean, being fat was bad and I didn't like it - I can accept that now even if I didn't then - but I actually get treated a lot more derisively for being on a diet now then I ever did before. It's really weird and I'm going to put it down to jealousy and just carry on doing what I'm doing. I know it's working, so that's fine. As a warning to people who want to start dieting, it apparently can happen.

            I get a lot of support too though so that's very gratefully received from all sources - including my old course mates. I have however agreed to a Thanksgiving extravaganza with them which will put my calorie in take in such peril as will not be rivalled until Christmas. I also won't be able to go to a gym on that day to help manage it, so I will have to plan for it ahead. I may just get to my friend's house and the go for a two hour run before devouring more food than should fit in a human's stomach. I will unashamedly enjoy it, however, and there will be no guilt whatever happens. Worst comes to worst, I will have a temporary set back in weight loss which I can live with. As I often say to people, life goes on. This is nearly always true and when seriously considered quite a fair statement - bad things happen but as long as you don't die you will most likely be able to get on with life. Please don't rail against this comment, citing AIDS, cancer, limb loss etc. The best stories about those conditions aren't about the people who give up and die; they're about the heroic individuals who accept it and get on with living while they can.

            Trying to raise the tone after that small downer, I've been challenged to have the body of a marvel superhero by the end of the month. I won't succeed but I'm going to do what I can to try. Until next post diet fans, farewell!

Closing in on the goals

            First things first; a shout out to my friend George who read this blog, got inspired and has started going to the gym. He doesn't need to lose any weight - quite the opposite - so is on a very different work out regime to me but I wish him the best of luck with it! It was pretty cool to be told I'd inspired someone to start pursuing their own fitness improvement plan and it only gives me greater reason to keep going.

            Secondly I am 209lbs as of this morning, so finally under the 15 stone mark. I've been struggling to lose than last bit of weight to get me under and I'm pretty damn happy that I've managed it. This means I am only 20lbs off of my goal of 189lbs - 13.5 stone. 20lbs may sound like a lot but since starting my diet seven months ago I've lost 50 whole pounds so I've definitely done the hard part. I'm making an estimate that 12 more weeks will see me reach that goal and I cannot wait!

            Now the slightly less positive side. I still have an unfortunate amount of shape to me. This is, a very brief bit of research using what are probably not professional sources and some which are tells me, because I have lost a significant amount of weight in a relatively short time and my body has had time to adjust gradually. I should continue to lose shape once I hit my goal weight and level off my diet but it is a little disappointing.

           

            All problems beg a solution, every obstacle is one to be climbed - so how do I tackle this? I could be patient and just wait. There are two problems with this; I'm pretty impatient as described earlier in this blog and it doesn't feel like a proactive response. In fact, it feels a lot like being lazy. So what is my chosen solution? More focused exercise! If I work out the areas that have the shape on them they should lose the shape faster. A genius hypothesis supported by (some of) the research I found.

           

            Now, what are the complications of that solution? Well, for starters I'm not that in shape. My half hour jog (extended to 32mins for a total of 3.5kilometres)  doesn't leave me quite as exhausted as it did before but I really do not feel up to doing squat thrusts or sit ups afterwards. My decision is to do 10 minutes rowing, increasing that as time goes on and my stamina improves but I don't know whether I can manage 10 minutes rowing on top of 30 minutes jogging. Do I cut back on jogging a little to fit the rowing in? Do I start with a lesser amount of time rowing? Do I wait until I'm in better shape to start rowing and just bring myself to do some sit-ups in the morning and evening?

            Probably a mixture of those choices. Waiting, as described above, is probably out and I don't really want to cut back on the jogging as I want to focus on my cardio and stamina - it's also better for calorie loss. So I may just do 5 minutes rowing and build on that to start with, coupled with some sit-ups before and after bed. We'll see how that goes and no doubt updates on it will appear here.

            I have also come to accept there are other things to do at the gym other than cardio. As I get closer to my goal I've started to branch out a bit and now include a ten minute weight session - obviously not continuous, exercise is staggered over that time because I know it isn't a good plan to start off by lifting continuously for whole minutes at a time. Why have I started this? Well, I did originally cast the idea out as I was focused on losing shape but now I've done 60-65% of that I want to start looking at fitness beyond not being obese. It's only a light session but a) that's the best way to start and b) it gives me a foundation to work on once I reach my weight goal. This will, as the cardio work has, increase with time and should hopefully mean I don't go through a stage of looking like a desiccated husk with bags of excess skin. Not a nice image at all, which is why I hope to avoid it.

            So all in all a very positive report, if three days late. However, while these posts are not quite regular they are becoming increasingly frequent so hopefully that'll compensate for it. As ever questions, comments and congratulations welcome! And to everyone out there who takes anything away from this please let me know and/or talk to me about it - even if it's questioning what I've said. As Descartes told us, a little existential doubt never hurt.

Pre-Monday Posting

            So it’s not quite Monday and I’m slipping in an extra post. I meant to write it on Thursday but I ended up having a recovery day instead – and no, writing a blog isn’t exactly a strenuous effort but I decided not to do it then. I was feeling quite exhausted and under the weather. All due to my own actions and by no fault of others.

            As of last Thursday I have re-introduced the practice of going to the gym. My brother and a close friend have been very supportive of this (they have come to watch me suffer) and all in all I have gotten more out of it than I’ve lost. This was until last Thursday – having gone on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for a grand total of 8km jogged and 1.5 km rowed I was absolutely shattered and my body, lacking any real preparation for the sudden and significant infusion of exercise, was aching all over. Thankfully the gym was closed on Thursday for unknown reasons so rather than gym and lunch with a couple of friends I just had lunch. The mistakes didn’t end there, however. I ordered the hottest curry my local pub could make to test myself – on the basis it couldn’t be any worse than extra-hot Nando’s fare and was rewarded with the knowledge that it was in fact at least the equivalent. So, with my body aching and my stomach roiling, I crept back in to bed for a midday nap.

           This tale is cautionary, allowing me to share from my experiences that pushing yourself is good in moderation but I also thought I’d share a few revelations I had while at the gym.

            Firstly, I can manage a comfortable 3km in half an hour. I don’t mean I don’t come out of it sweaty and pretty tired; I mean I can do it without pushing myself too far. When I can manage it 5 days in a row and not be completely immobilized on the sixth then I’ll set the target further. I was surprised I could manage it when I first tried, and it did require some will power to push myself that far rather than stop early and call it a day – none of which was provided by a burning sense of one-upmanship or the fear of being beaten by a girl. Definitely not. BUT if I can do it so can most people – while I have been surprised by my new found level of fitness I don’t think it is exceptional by any means. As I have said before I think it is much harder to drive oneself to do this sort of longer-period exercise than it is to actually do it. The human body is an amazing engine of survival – the pilot is the one who decides which gear to put it in. The fight is definitely to maintain focus – or distraction – long enough to push one’s body to its limits.

            My next discovery was that rather than finding distractions inhibited my ability to exercise, I found quite the opposite. I can definitely put this down to desperately needing anything to occupy my mind in place of my body’s melodramatic report of flaring pain and utter exhaustion. If it’s the only thing you are thinking about it is of course going to become worse than it is – the mind is designed to protect the body and has a lot of early warning systems that can be misinterpreted as last-chance self-destruct warnings. These do inhibit the unprepared when it comes to straining oneself during exercise, as the body throws up messages to alert you that it is under strain. Pushing past those barriers is when it becomes a lot easier. I have found thinking about something else, listening to music and watching any of the ample number of televisions in the gym can just about allow me to start ignoring these messages and once I’ve focused on something else I can keep going for quite some time before I have any real difficulty.

            The third trick I have developed is to start fast and then reel it in a bit – I have a one-minute warm up and then go straight into a 7.5kmph jog for ten minutes before dropping down to 6.5kmph. After three minutes at that speed I go up to 7kmph for the remainder of my half hour. This gets my system running and allows me to maintain a slightly slower run speed for longer. This is possibly all psychosomatic and is just a way for me to trick my body’s warning systems but it works for me.

            None of this will be news to fitness junkies or gym regulars, and some of it may be less than optimal. It works for me at the moment and that’s what’s important as far as my weight loss and fitness is concerned. I will not, however, be going to the gym until Monday most likely, although a short session tomorrow isn’t completely off the books. I will be going to the gym more often as apart from the fitness benefit I cannot help but revel in the extra calories it grants me. I even had a full-fat coke and chips on Wednesday – although I would have rather traded the chips for popcorn in retrospect.

            So this post’s message is a simple one – don’t think about exercise and the effort it takes, just watch soap operas while on the treadmill and try to refrain from shouting obscenities at the characters for their small-minded and idiotic decisions. That, more than anything, is helping me train my will power and self control at the moment. Antiques shows, on the other hand, I find oddly hypnotic. Which is far more dangerous when you’re meant to be running at seven kilometres per hour on a machine designed to force you to do so.

Serious Birthday Binging

           I want to begin by saying I'm aware this is a week late. New job and stuffs. Distractions, mostly good. It's here and I'll try to keep up but no promises ^^ I cannot know exactly what the future holds so delays may occur again in the future. I'm sure we'll all survive.

          Two guesses what this post is about - you first guess is wrong if it was 'Chad's Birthday'. It was my brother's; Friday 13th September. It was a nightmare, but a good one. Bowling, drinking, feasting and good times were had. Net result is that I now weigh 213lbs. Which is a gain of one pound. How did I achieve this? Well, let's start at the top:

            Step 1) All you can eat world buffet. I ignored the salad bar.

            Step 2) I drank beer, primarily, rather than keeping with my normal tactic of drinking spirits. I probably drank less units but definitely more calories.

            Step 3) McDonalds. Yup. I had to sober up and it was the only place open. On the upside, some of it wasn't eaten and ended up on the floor. For those of you aware of my youtube channel the competition between myself and a friend for 'Semi-Olympic Chicken Nugget Catching' is showcased there.

            Step 4) Full roast dinner with all the trimmings. Family birthday meal, it would have been rude not to finish my plate.

            Step 5) Seconds of full roast dinner.

            Step 6) No additional exercise.

            There you have it lads and lasses - how to gain a pound of weight in three days! I also crashed my car in a builder's, broke my work laptop twice, the printer once and almost locked myself out of the show flat I work out of. So it was a weekend of chaos, excess and indulgery (totally a word) that I thoroughly enjoyed.

            In other news, I've got a little depressed about how little I can eat. My calorie limit per day is now 1420, which amounts to about three off-the-shelf sandwiches. Since I make my own I actually get to eat a little more but you get the picture; I'm starting to feel the hunger. As discussed over a lunchtime-meeting with a friend at a new, surprisingly nice cafe in the area I'm also running out of ideas for what to write here each week, hence the delay in this post. What are the remedies? How do I cure these various diet related ills?

            Well, the doctor has it: Gym. Firstly, I still have that membership I was meant to cancel. £60 wasted means I've got to work a lot of value out it and it'll help me get fitter - something I've become increasingly more concerned with as I approach my weight goal. Secondly, it gives me more to eat each day for a little bit of work - 303 calories in 25mins isn't bad at all, and I only left because my brother was bored and I drove use down. I suppose I could have let him drive back and then walked myself home, getting more exercise in, but I figured I'd done well and if I could keep up that kind of work three or four times a week from now on (God knows when I'll find the time but it'll have to be a priority) I'll get in shape, continue to lose weight and get to eat more a day. Win, win, win, it seems.

            How am I going to motivate myself for this? Well, I am getting motivation from several third parties, some of them via encouragement and some of them by out and out bullying. However, being called fat continuously has worked and I've made this effort so if it could stop until I stop going to the gym that would be FAB. Thank you, as usual, to all those involved in helping me on whatever level you do - from refusing to cook me desert or taking chips/crisps off my plate while we're playing games. It all helps and I'd be ungrateful not to be appreciative.

           

I Ate Some Chips and I Liked It

         On target and down to 212lbs - but the end of next week I should be below 15 stone! Needless to say, I'm pretty excited about it. Not that I can do much with it - it's not like getting a new car, for example. I can, however, throw out more of my fat-me clothes as they look a little ridiculous now. I actually changed what I was wearing on Saturday because of it. I'm feeling pretty proud and getting a lot of encouragement.

           

            However, as you may have gathered from the title of this post, I failed on my abstinence against potatoes. I do have a reason - my current diet is low in fibre, which those of you who know about these things will appreciate causes problems. For those of you who don't, fibre is important for getting rid of food once you're done with it. And, last night as I looked down upon my side of chips (came with the meal, not ordered specially) I was reminded by one of my companions that potato does contain fibre. So I admitted it served some purpose and tucked in - I was okay for calories as I had been planning to get something in the cinema we were going to after that, so skipped that instead.

            Obviously, I stand by my arguments which pollute this post; you shouldn't eat potato. A quick internet search revealed bananas are fairly high in fibre which is great news as they're high in potassium as well - something else my diet is lacking. So I have invested in some of those and will be munching my way through one a day as often as possible.

           

            I also bought some multi-vitamins. Personally, I believe you can get everything you need vitamin/nutrition wise from actual foods. This is correct; one can. It does not, however, mean that one does. My diet, while staying on top of my calorie intake, does not look after my nutritional needs completely and so while I look into amending that (for example, by having a banana a day) I will be taking them. Hopefully this will improve my general health and possibly even my demeanour - poor health, poor attitude after all - and I will detail that here over the next thirty days.

           

            Last update is that I have downloaded an interval training app after being beaten over the head with the instruction to do so. It doesn't look anywhere near as bad as I feared, but I am still suspicious. Partly, I'm naturally suspicious of anything new but also if I can't do it then I'll never live it down. I guess the only way to prove I can is by doing, though, so it will happen. I've also had a sleep cycle app recommended to me, as apparently unnatural sleep patterns can cause diets to be less effective. I can wholly believe this is the case, so no suspicion there. I will be giving it a look, which unfortunately means giving up my irregular but socially rewarding sleep pattern. Frankly, I'd rather live and staying up until 1-4am variously throughout the week is probably unnecessary.

           

            So there's the new update, enjoy. As ever, questions welcome; I will provide whatever assistance or information I can. Thanks to those who have already sent me an email/message or asked in person - it's always nice to know I'm not just talking to myself with these posts!