The Old War Horse

               I managed three runs last week; one with my neighbour, one with a work friend and even one by myself. It was a net total of about an hour to an hour-ten on the run but I put some effort into pushing myself to run a little faster than I found natural. Hopefully it was of some benefit. I also spent six hours Airsofting on Saturday evening which was some pretty good exercise itself. This feels like a good return to me regime, but obviously I want to up it a bit. This is being done by bullying my neighbour into running longer, challenging my work friend and giving myself a little more time to run. Do I feel any better for this?

                Not really. This is unfortunate, but while I’m glad I am putting the effort in I have yet to feel a return to the boundless energy I felt I had access to over the summer. This, my friends, is called ‘losing fitness’. It can happen disquietingly quickly and is quite disappoint when discovered. However, on a positive note, it’s fairly easy to regain. I definitely don’t feel as unfit as I once was – not by a long shot – and I’m still quite comfortable doing twenty minute runs, even at higher speeds. However, half an hour is looking much harder than it once was. 

                The only way to fix this is with the application of effort. It’s not necessarily an enjoyable process but it’s going to be a rewarding one. So I’m pushing myself back into exercise, despite the cold weather, and trying to cut back on the zero-value foods I eat (potato has crept back into my diet and I feel this is the biggest reason for my difficulty). This is somewhat of a loss, but only in a superficial sense; my long term fitness and health will certainly benefit from it. But isn’t wanting to look good in and of itself actually a superficial attitude?

                The question arises after my brother recently asked me whether I thought he was shallow or not. This in turn made me question whether or not my focus on fitness and physical appearance was a shallow pursuit – and then, in turn, whether this was necessarily a bad thing. My conclusion was that it was shallow, but that it wasn’t bad or wrong of me.

                Why is it shallow? Well, I’m purely basing a virtue upon its outward appearance, with no closer analysis. Since my analysis of the problem lacked depth – I was fat, I wanted to not be fat/look attractive – the decision itself to lose could not help but lack depth. I was trying to increase my apparent worth based upon my physical appearance; the very definition of shallow! How could I ever doubt that it was for shallow or superficial reasons?

                Well, that’s all wrapped up in why it wasn’t a bad or wrong thing to decide. Firstly, I certainly do not judge my entire worth – material, intellectual and spiritual – upon how I look. I did not consider myself a ‘bad’ person because I was fat. It wasn’t morally wrong to be fat, nor ethically. As such my losing weight only affected myself in any serious way – my friends nor more like or dislike me now that I have lost weight compared to when I hadn’t, for example. They are impressed and encouraging, but it is a personal change for a personal benefit, and it was always going to be that way. So there was no socio-cultural fallout from me losing weight, nor was anyone harmed or hurt by it. Ergo, not morally wrong.

                Secondly (I do love my quasi-numbered paragraphs, don’t I?) there was the desire for attention – to be found attractive. I feel I, as a personality (a mind, philosophically speaking) was always attractive. I say this not to boast but to clarify and confirm that I did not and do not judge my worth purely upon my physical appearance. This said, losing weight has undeniably made me look and feel more physically attractive. Is that bad? Certainly not. It would be if I lorded it over others, or made people feel bad about how they look, but I have not done this in any way – at least, not deliberately or with intent and I hope in no other way at all. So again, though shallow in decision there is nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with it. 

                Thirdly and finally, humans are visual animals – evolved as predators or created as stewards, either role or belief makes us primarily visual beings. We definitely judge each other based on appearance; we’re wired to, we can’t help it. Closing your mind against revising that judgement is wherein lies the sin - social, moral and ethical. As long as you do not use just physical appearance as your sole measure of someone and their worth, you’re okay to make judgments about it. 

This also prevents the arguments use as a defence for not losing weight – “I’m not a shallow or judgmental person!” doesn’t mean being overweight makes you a better person. Just as surely it doesn’t make you a bad person, but please do not try to hide behind moral betterment to disguise a refusal to motivate yourself. Just as there is nothing wrong with being overweight, there is equally nothing wrong with being in shape.

 

Time to Get Fuel Efficient Again

                I almost hit 14 stone again! Fourteen! That’s a shocking increase of around 7lbs over two months – effectively undoing six weeks work. This is obviously disappointing. I have, over the last month, fought it down to 13st and 10lbs which has cheered me up a bit but it was scarily easy for me to slip back into gaining wait at quite a drastic pace. So how did it happen?

                I basically stopped running. Again. No real reason – maybe because it gets dark earlier. This isn’t an I’m-afraid-of-the-dark thing; running on tarmac is horrible and running through woods when you can’t see where you’re going is dangerous. So how am I remedying this? Going to the gym and using the treadmill. It’s an awful lot more dull but I’d rather go there and get it done than continue sliding into being a slob. It also gives me a chance to use other machines – rowers, cycles, weights – that mean I can balance my exercise regime somewhat.

                To put it in perspective this time last year I was much more regimented in my work out – three times a week, set times on each machine – even though (maybe because?) I was a lot less fit. What happened then, that changed my attitude? Because that’s clearly what has changed – I still need to lose weight and getting fitter is always good.

                Firstly, I had a lot more weight to lose; it was much more pressing as an issue. Without checking I think I was about 2-2.5 stone heavier, which is a lot of extra weight. I saw on a youtube video advertising some sort of health food/protein shake/miracle thingy (a really credible source in other words) that the average man is about seventeen pounds overweight. By that (debatably accurate) standard I am an average man now – back then I was over twice as much overweight as was average. What a depressing thought! But it probably drove me a lot harder than the comfort being within the ‘average weight’ category does. So I’m assigning myself a new objective off of the back of that: lose seventeen pounds. This is a very different and much more focused objective than a general weight-loss goal and I’m hoping it’ll keep me on track. Coming up to Christmas, I appreciate I’m in for a tough challenge.

                Secondly I was trying to impress someone – or perhaps wanting to impress them too much is a better way of putting it. Either way, I have a very different mind-set now; I’m still trying to impress people (including, importantly, myself) but in what is, quite frankly, a less desperate manner. However, I’m also trying to get some writing published, apply for university next year, hunt down promotion opportunities at work and maybe fit exercise in the middle of all that and a full time job. Because I have so much other things going on in my life (which is good) my self-esteem is higher and as such while I certainly want to exercise and do so, it is more on an as and when basis rather than an obsessive one-track-mind kind of way. I think this actually makes me a much more interesting and attractive person so I’m not too disappointed.

                Thirdly I’m still resting on my laurels somewhat – I have to thank a lot of people for the compliments and congratulations they have been giving me. Dys, Steely, and Catherine are the most recent people to be vocal about it specifically – albeit Steely did so at urinal in a pub toilet which was awkward for everyone except him – but all of it is appreciated. I mention these three specifically because it their comments were made in such an open or honest way I was actually nearly speechless with gratitude. I’d like people who know me to notice the word ‘nearly’; I accept that my mouth runs on emergency arrogance when my brain doesn’t provide it with something to say. So if you complimented me or even commented on my weight-loss and I’ve not said anything or been a bit of a Richard about it then that’s because I was grateful and appreciative. However, your comments have made me unfortunately comfortable with my weight and shape, so through my own error I’ve slacked off.

                Remedies for this are basically as listed above – set a different style of objective. With more focus I hope to retain it. My next door neighbour is embarking on a 10k run next year – something I’m not sure I could manage anymore – so I’m dragging her to the gym twice a week for some practice, building my stamina back up and hopefully also improving as well. I will restart my yoga classes and other exercise I do/did so that I at least have something resembling a regime. The big lesson? Make time for your weight loss, otherwise all your good intentions and effort may be wasted.

Reach for the stars

                I’m putting on weight again. This is directly linked to both a decrease in my regular exercise and a recent holiday. I’m hovering around the thirteen-and-a-half stone mark which mean I’ve maintained my weight well but also that I’ve completely failed to lose any over the past month or so. Is this due to a lack in motivation? A growth in apathy? Or perhaps am I just happy with where I am.

                Addressing the first factor in that short list of possibilities, I have not lost motivation at all – if anything, my life is full of it. I get constant support from a variety of sources for my endeavours thus far and my efforts to continue. I still enjoy it exercise, so that’s certainly not a factor, and I definitely want to lose a bit more weight. Part of this comes from a recent fitness video where I was informed that the average adult man is seventeen pounds overweight; I’m eighteen pounds overweight – making me pretty damn close to average! Now, I appreciate being told that you’re eighteen pounds overweight isn’t something that is traditionally worthy of celebration, but being in that category makes me feel great.

                However, it is no reason to rest upon my laurels; I am, after all, still eighteen pounds over-weight. This gives me a target, and one that is certainly achievable. I will just have to work harder than I am already to reach it. I believe my exercise regime has ‘got comfortable’ and so is no longer really reaching the level I need it to. So I can up that to help which shouldn’t be too difficult because, if I’m honest, my ‘regime’ is fairly minimal.

               

                Secondly, has my apathy towards the idea grown? I can’t say I’m totally innocent of this – I’m just not making the time, or when I have the time I’m not making the effort. I can excuse not exercising very easily, and my success only makes this easier. But if I’m to keep achieving results then I have to keep caring about it. It’s no use knowing the facts and how to deal with them if you don’t care enough to follow your action plan. There’s no use dwelling on the plateaus you reach when there are further heights to climb to.

                Am I happy with where I am? Yes. I’m confident, I’m healthier, fitter, and I no longer look like an emergency doughnut disposal officer (a very serious occupation that is definitely completely real). I enjoy myself doing nearly everything I do, and I enjoy a wide range of activities. In fact, I’m doing so much – and enjoying all of it – that I find that I’m cutting into time I would otherwise use to exercise. And I’m happy with that, because I like where I am. It feels good and I’m comfortable. But so is sitting in a very good armchair all day.

                I clearly know what my problem is; I’m enjoying my success too much. It’s not that I don’t do exercise – I just don’t do it enough. The only dedicated time I have now is three hours on Sundays and that’s far from regular enough to really help me lose weight or shape. I do daily exercises in the form of press ups, crunches, tricep dips, planking and squats but that’s all muscle work; while it definitely makes me sweat it lack any serious cardio or stamina work which really helps burn excess pounds.

                A quick note here about what I qualify as ‘real’ cardio or stamina work; aerobic exercise for at least thirty minutes. I’ve investigated the claim that ‘unless you run/cycle/jog/swim/chosen cardio activity for longer than twenty minutes it doesn’t do any good’ and found the statement is based on fact but actually incorrect. If you run for fifteen minutes every day but increase your speed, thereby running further, you are clearly improving. However, your body burns sugar stores first rather than fat stores so while you’re increasing your fitness you won’t be getting as much out of it weight loss wise. It is how your body is designed to work, and it makes a lot of sense – fat is intended to be stored in case of emergencies, and when we were living day to day, competing with lions/tigers/bears/whatever our local predators were we quite probably had these emergencies on a regular basis. Unfortunately (for weight maintenance rather than survival) we no longer wake up and have to worry about being eaten on a daily basis – or at all, optimally. 

                As such, weight-loss is definitely a first world problem and if you find yourself suffering from this problem please remember two very important things. First, you have a great life; if you’re primary concern is losing weight, then your life must have been pretty good up until now to get in that situation. Remember, it’s a problem caused by eating too much or on a fat filled diet – a problem you wouldn’t have if you couldn’t afford said foods. Secondly, you live in the first world! There are ways around this problem available to you each and every day. All you have to do is bite the bullet and do so.

                There was recently a report in the paper about a woman who is demanding more benefits from the UK government so she can eat healthily – “a bag of apples is as expensive as a multipack of crisps, and I can’t afford both.” She has no job, so has plenty of time in her day to walk places but doesn’t as it’s “too much effort.” I also hasten to point out that eating a bag of apples as well as the multipack of crisps is actually only going to increase her weight – remember all that stuff I said about replacing foods, not removing them entirely? – so she doesn’t need both. What she needs is to take responsibility for her own life and get on with dealing with it. As do I, although I like to think I’m less of a sponge and general waste of space than she is (not because she’s over weight but because she has no job, seven kids and refuses to lift a finger to help herself or the children. Just to clarify). What I need to do is take my destiny in my own two hands, and this is the case for 98% of all weight loss stories. So I’m going to start working harder at it today, and that is my advice to anyone else who has reached a plateau – don’t stay there, climb higher!

I’m Terribly Sorry; You Have Obesititis.

I was recently asked what my thoughts were on the idea that obesity is a disease. This is an idea I have given thought to in the past, and firmly reject. There are a couple of reasons for this, and in my usual rough-and-ready manner I will be outlining them here. This is a bit of a disclaimer – I’ve always been aware that my views are fairly hardline and sometimes a little harshly put across. Someone once even called them unsympathetic. I personally find that idea hilarious! How could I, of all people, not understand the plight of those trying to lose weight? I think it comes down to my attitude – I accepted it had been my action that caused my condition, and it would be primarily my actions that provided the way to deal with it. And I was fairly hard on myself about it; ergo, in the expression of my feelings about the subject of losing weight, I am very firm with my views.

It helps that what I’ve done has worked – I wouldn’t propagate a theory that hadn’t been successful except to annoy people, which on a subject as intimate and close to my heart as weight loss I wouldn’t do. It is a serious concern for a high number of people and one that people are constantly looking for assistance with and this blog is actually intended to help people, as much as some might be surprised I am doing anything with that goal in mind. For that reason, everything I write down is meant to entertain or advise, possibly both. Don’t like it, don’t take it but don’t for a second assume I don’t understand or appreciate how difficult a struggle fighting obesity can be.

Back to the whole ‘obesity as a disease’ subject! I’ve heard a lot of discussion about this and, while little of it was scientific or professional, I have considered a lot of different views about it. My first response to calling it a disease is that no, it cannot be one; it is an effect. Simply put, you eat too much and you get fat. That’s the base equation; some might call it harsh. But it’s not, it’s just simple. You get cut, you bleed; you get happy, you smile; you eat too much, you get fat. It is what happens. But is it fair to break it down to such a bare bones analysis? I mean, arguably if you don’t eat you lose weight and get ill. There are complications in life that we can’t rule out.

People have told me it’s genetic; you can ‘inherit’ being fat from your parents. I think, using Darwin’s law of ‘Survival of the Fittest’, this could happen over a series of generations if being obese is continued through those generations. It has to be worked towards, it’s not something you can achieve without eating a substantial amount – the human body is, after all, designed as an energy using machine. This means you have to eat more than you use before it starts to build up – sounds simple but I know I really had to put some effort into accepting that I was eating too much for my level of activity. If this happens over several generations you will be passing on an increasing ability to store fat – to get fat – to your children. So, sure it can be genetic but at the same time there needs to be a significant history of obesity in your family for it to be a big factor. 

Even then it’s more a susceptibility to obesity you are passing on rather than obesity itself. I have found no evidence of an actual gene or genetic trait that means you will be born fat, or destined to be fat. It is something you can fight, something you can struggle against. Allowing yourself to believe it is genetic and therefore inescapable means you will never believe you can avoid it. This is not evidence of it being a disease; it is evidence of it being a belief, or possibly a psychological disorder or syndrome if you don’t like the first term. I firmly believe, think, understand, appreciate, subscribe to and agree with (whichever term has more meaning for you) the idea that we can create barriers in our minds that has a powerful effect on how we behave and act – and dieting, eating and exercise habits or over-eating are all equally affected by those mental barriers. Willpower is key to everything we do, this no less.

Another reason I don’t qualify obesity as a disease; it’s not contagious or infectious. Arguably if you are in a social group or culture where obesity is the norm you are more likely to replicate this behaviour and accept it. However, this is a behavioural phenomenon or a cultural influence and there is nothing biological, viral or parasitical causing it except by the use of an artistic – and somewhat powerful – metaphor. If someone has a cold, or a stomach bug, or Ebola, sitting next to them on the bus is probably not going to end well for you (especially option three). You may not be infected but there’s a fair chance (or a terrifying chance for option three). No matter how many times you sit next to, near, around or interact with someone who is obese, this interaction alone will not make you fat.

Lastly, there is no ‘cure’ or ‘pill’ or medical service to deal with obesity. You see advertisements for ‘skinny pills’ or ‘lose fat fast’ tablets all the time; the only way this will work is either by killing your ability to feel hunger (potentially fatal and probably not good for you) or by you subscribing to the idea that they work (read: Placebo effect). If there was a pill that caused a fat-targeting bacteria or enzyme to be released in your body that someone didn’t turn out to be a flesh eating virus/parasite/bacteria then I’m pretty sure knowledge of it wouldn’t be restricted to tiny, cheap adverts on dodgy websites. 

There are ways you can lose weight, of course; exercise, concerted dieting and sheer bloody-minded determination to do so. Like I said, being fat is not some insurmountable destiny just like having a six-pack and being able to bench press another human being isn’t some God-given power available only to those who purely coincidentally hang out in gymnasiums regularly. Unless there is indeed a God and he plays far more games with us than previous thought, but somehow I doubt that; either It wanted me to lose 6 stone in a year or I achieved that by myself through my own decisions. Eating is an addiction, not a disease, and obesity is a symptom or effect of that addiction – just like yellow nails and teeth for smokers or the inability to maintain three connected thoughts for meth-addicts. So empower yourself with the knowledge you do not have to wait for a miracle cure, you can save yourself if you want to. And if you want it, go out and do it.

Killing Fat Softly II: Attack of the Fat

It’s been 3 months since I restarted my diet – I was a little lax over the whole of March, a little in celebration and a little because I was resting on my laurels. So far I’ve only lost another three pounds, putting me on 187lbs over all. I’ve had a ten day holiday in Chicago which was always going be a test of my ability to control my intake/motivate myself to exercise suitably to compensate for the fun I intend to have, but it was a challenge I relished. I didn’t very well though, so I am restarting the blog! <Cue fanfare>

                Now, I appreciate I may have appeared to give up on the diet/blog/both since March and to some extent, if I’m honest, I did. I slacked off, let my iron clad grip on my self-restraint slip slightly and began to give myself a couple more cheat days a week. This was not conducive to keeping up my rate of weight loss, as demonstrated by the above performance but I started to find it incredibly difficult to actually enjoy a meal out while still keeping to the diet. I’ve still lost some weight – and I’ve definitely indulged a little bit, had too many starters when I didn’t need to and maybe eaten a little bit much cheese.

                I have, however, been running as much as I can motivate myself to. This is about 10k a week so not a bad amount at all, in my opinion – if I was settling for being my current weight and fitness. I do not believe in settling for less, and I do not expect anyone else to settle for less on my behalf. I would rather be described as ‘impressive’ and ‘outstanding’ than ‘pretty good’ or ‘good enough’.

                So what have I done to amend my wayward weight ways? Mainly, more running. And skipping starters as well as deserts – and keeping to my promise of actually going to the gym or some kind of exercise class that isn’t just running. I want to make sure I’m not letting myself down, which I have to admit I was after I finished my first year.

                BUT NO LONGER! I’m back on the boat, the band wagon, the weight-loss diet-train and happy to be there! Or I tell myself I am at least; it’s still tough work. Easier than originally on some fronts – I am equipped with much more knowledge and armed with experience from my first year so I have better habits and behavioural patterns. However, I need to eat less to lose the same amount of weight, or work out more to allow myself to eat more. How am I managing it?

                Food first, as always! Breakfast is an epic feast of a banana and not one but two Actimel yogurts – a grand total of about 150-180 calories. This is followed by a lunch time indulgence of a whole bowl of salad and bacon strips which I count at an average of 400 calories and about four of my five/six/eight/ten portions of fruit and vegetables your meant to have each day, depending on which country you’re from. This total extravagance of about 600 calories leaves an impressive 700 for dinner, which is an absolutely massive meal of pasta, spinach, kale, asparagus, sweetcorn and some form of meet which is usually chicken unless I have some sausages available – this rare, since I don’t often buy them for fear of waking up on Saturday morning and eating all of them at once in a medicinal, hangover-fueled feast. So as you can see, my food life is full of fun and freedom. Sure, some may call this ‘impossible’ or ‘oppressive’ or, even, ‘absolutely ridiculous’. Which aren’t entirely unfair phrases.

                Which is why I exercise as well! I aim for 10-15km a week over two or three days, yoga and swimming once a week each, thirty press-ups, crunches, tricep lifts and squats a day and some assorted stretches. Intense, non? Compared with where I started – occasionally walking to/from the pub – this is an incredible amount, and being honest sucks up a lot of my time. I even do some weight lifting in my back garden with my brother something I don’t think anyone who knows me would have predicted. I wouldn’t say I enjoy it as such, but I do find it rewarding – not only is my fitness increasing but I get to eat more as well, thereby surviving on more than a starvation diet. Silver linings, right?

 

Falling Behind and Catching Up

                Two cheat days in a row last weekend was a bad idea. Especially since I did the same thing the weekend before at my friend’s stag do. After a year of dieting you’d think I could work this out ahead of time but no, my inherent inability to organize and plan things has struck again so at the beginning of this week I weighed 13st 10lbs, or 192lbs.

                As of time of writing I’ve got that back down to 13st 8lbs, or 190lbs, but it’s still a bit of a let-down for me personally. I’ve also not really been going to the gym or playing squash regularly enough to make up for it so I’ve plateaued in my weight loss. I’ve got complacent and comfortable in my eating, dietary, and exercise habits which is not good – as an ever changing and constantly evolving process it is something I should be very proactive in monitoring and keeping up with. Lent also started on Tuesday; I can smell an opportunity here.

                I’m a big believer that ‘giving something up’ doesn’t have to be a passive process of self-denial. I’m already on a pretty stringent diet ( if I keep to it :/ ) so giving up more food-related things is probably not the best way to go. I am planning to abandon desserts entirely however – it won’t be any great loss to me and it’ll be a good way to care for my calorie intake a lot more. So what am I going to do? Be more proactive about it – specifically, be more active.

                My exercise regime has suffered greatly over the last fortnight. I’ve destroyed the habit of going to the gym and I can’t always find a partner for squash even if I try to get different people to come down to the courts over the course of a week. The massive advantage of the gym is that I can do it when I’m alone rather than squash which I will only do if I have a friend – partly because I’m not motivated, a lot of which comes from the lack of competition and the knowledge that technically I could be spending my exercise time in a more calorie efficient manner upstairs in the gym in the same Goddamned building. 

                So, having found a very reliable rock and two birds in need of stoning this is the plan I shall enact: For the next 38 days (and 38 nights) I will be doing at least a twenty minute run every day. I will make time for this in and/or around my schedule and I will not postpone or cancel it for any non-emergency reason. I can think of no reason my exercise treason should be forgot or forgiven and this is how I will make amends to myself through this manner. This I solemnly swear upon the virtual altar of the internet, etcetera, etcetera, ad nausea. 

                So that’s my challenge which I will meet. I would encourage anyone who is trying to lose weight or get fitter (or both) to do something similar. It doesn’t have to be a twenty minute run every day – it could be a twenty minute walk, or two lots of fifty star jumps, or some other quick and easy addition to your schedule which is doubtfully so busy you could afford to spare the time. Do you really need to keep up with every episode of that soap opera? Is it really so heinous that you cut into your reading/gaming/embroidery/other hobby time slightly to improve yourself? I find it unlikely. In my other blog I wrote about making time for the things we really want and I’m sure I’ve mentioned it in this one at some point. A friend at work was saying he couldn’t find any time around a job, sleeping and eating for the things he really wanted to do. After he argued for a bit he admitted he probably had around forty hours a week to play around with. Twenty minutes every day only costs about two and a half of those hours, to put it in perspective.

                Start taking the stairs everywhere you have the option. Walk to the shops and back rather than drive. Stop making excuses to be lazy. I wake up at 7am every day I work and don’t actually get out of bed until about 7:45am, because I’m lazy, enjoy pretending to have a lie in and stay up too late the night before to qualify as a responsible adult. Without any major change to my schedule I can wake up at 7am, go for a twenty minute run, shower and still have an extra ten to fifteen minutes floating in the morning. So before I even go to work I could call my day productive! How awesome is that?

                I will not be running every day before work, but I will make sure I am running every day. This is on top of squash or gym or any other exercise I do – as I said, it is and addition to my lifestyle and week-by-week living. This is what I am doing for Lent for my diet. I’ve given up other things that aren’t really relevant but I can already tell lunch time is going to be a trial; triple chocolate brownies are making an appearance on the menu today. Lo, though I walk through the valley in the shadow of fattening foods I will fear no calories…

Fighting the Food Fight

                 It was my friend’s stag do this weekend – or bachelor party, if you’re American. It was a lot of fun, but far more relevant to this blog is the disastrous effect it had on my diet. I’m going to try and explain the culinary folly we committed, but I don’t actually remember all of it as I decided not to keep count of what I ate and drank. From memory:

10+ pints of Doom Bar ale (because it was prepaid).

8+ pints of Magner’s Cider.

6 shots of Disarrono.

6 shots of assorted rum.

1 (or more) shots of vodka.

Some Peach Schnapps.

Lots of pizza.

As many breaded chicken bite things as I could find.

More alcohol (various)

More pizza.

1 BK Double Bacon XXL.

1 BK Chicken Royale with cheese.

1 medium portion on chips.

8 BK onion rings (not worth it).

1 Whole Chicken bathed in rum.

                So a totally healthy and balanced diet, if you forget most of the food groups exist. I put on five pounds! That brought me to a total weight of 13st and 11lbs on Monday morning, which was pretty depressing. I’m sure I’ll lose it again quick enough but it was not what I wanted when I was exhausted, probably still hung over and having to go back to work after an epic weekend. I tried going for a run after work yesterday and that only made things worse – I now feel like my right thigh is made of wood and my lower back won’t bend without grumbling. 

This is another example of a ‘diet holiday’ wherein I can abandon the diet for a short time so I enjoy myself without any mitigation and then get back on the diet afterwards. As I’ve said before (I seem to take a lot of diet holidays) this is completely fine as long as you return to the diet. Like fighting any addiction a moment (or weekend) of weakness is excusable in the face of weeks of abstinence. I do appreciate the problem with an addiction is the classic ‘once you pop you can’t stop’ issue, and I’m not saying it doesn’t take willpower – I sincerely appreciate it does. I drink, I smoke very occasionally, I’ve over indulged in a plethora of things before but I don’t let them control me.

                Which is what it’s all about; control (what a roundabout way to arrive at my post subject…). I’ve got friends who smoke and say I don’t understand the addiction just because I’m not addicted. I had a friend at university who was an out-and-out alcoholic  - we’re talking beer for breakfast here, not just a couple before and after dinner – who said I didn’t know what it was like. I’ve known people who do hard drugs, adrenaline junkies and a whole host of other people with a varying array of addictions. Food is no different, it’s just less harmful (in the short term) and more socially acceptable; you can definitely be addicted to eating.

                People won’t notice it so much – we have to eat to live, after all, and usually it doesn’t alter your behaviour majorly. But you can notice some things; withdrawal definitely occurs. It’s usually confused/wrapped up in with being hungry but mood swings, aggressive behaviour and a lack of patience or rationality can all be seen in a food addict, just as with any other addict. I’m sure it’s related to the vitamins and various other things in food so should be supported by science. However, because eating food is necessary to live people tend not to notice if someone is addicted to it, or indulges unnecessarily. Sure, it won’t necessarily kill you like heroine might but it’s still a problem.

                I understand addiction. I am a food addict, and may have been a borderline alcoholic at one point. I feel that almost-overwhelming urge, the cry of need your mind lets out whenever it sees the item of your addiction. It’s like you’re being pulled towards it, drawn by a force as strong as gravity and you simply have to have it and you actually have no real choice in the matter. It is a terrifyingly powerful need and can feel impossible to fight – I have found it impossible to fight on many occasions. I had twenty-five years of finding it impossible to fight, basically living under the control of an addiction that fed itself and only became stronger with every day I gave into it which made it harder to fight on the next one. 

                It feels overpowering, overwhelming and overbearing; it is not actually any of those things unless you let it be. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is simple. I’ve cut down on everything I over-indulged in – food, smoking, drinking, the lot of it – and none of it came easily (except smoking, as I never really made that habitual or a ritual). I didn’t give up completely – I still do each of those things and giving up food completely is pretty dumb – I just cut down on what I had. Alcohol and smoking were much easier; don’t buy them. They’re not necessary so they don’t have to go in your shopping basket. I never bought cigarettes anyway so that was easy for me. Alcohol was tougher, but I used the same tactic; I didn’t buy any. I shocked myself into doing it, I’ll be honest; after finding out a pint had as many calories in it as two slices of bread I steered clear. Losing weight was more important to me, and I made a good decision. Which is the important point here – I made a decision.

                I recently read a scientific study concerning out ‘decision’ making process. Apparently our instinctive mind is far more in control of our actions than our logical, conscious mind. Sit down because if this theory is correct (and for shock factor, imagine it is in this example) your logical mind is so slow and meticulous that it can only process one thought or action at a time – and this is the part of your mind that deals with movement. You know sometimes you have to stop walking to think about something properly, or in a complicated manner? Yeah, your logic-mind can’t do that and walk at the same time. So when you’re walking along and chatting to a mate you have very little control of what you’re saying – all those complicated opinions and thoughts you think you come up with and have in-depth discussions about are about as thought through as your decision about which hand you use to scratch your head. Think about it – that’s why I suggested you should sit down.

                So whenever you pick something on the menu, or see something that tempts you, that’s your instinctive brain, the feral little animal in your head you think you keep on a leash, willing you towards it. Every you give in to something that’s an addiction, you’re giving in to something that has enslaved your instincts through its use or abuse. This is why it is so difficult to fight it, to turn it down, to resist – because you very instincts are telling you to go and take it.

                And I’m sure some addicts will argue that it is not their fault. They couldn’t help it – if they’re instinctive drives control the majority of what they do, how can they themselves be held responsible? Firstly, your instinctive drives are dumb; it’s the part of your brain that tells you to look down the barrel of a gun to check what’s blocking it, or to test a knife edge with your finger if you’re having trouble cutting things. It’s simple, quick, and usually efficient but makes a lot of errors – Freudian Slips, attacks of Dyslexia, and saying the wrong name at inappropriate times are all the fault of this ball of instinctive demands. Ever wish you hadn’t said the first thing that came into your head? Or you’d thought more about which route to pick? You probably should have stopped for a couple of seconds and wrenched control of your decision making process out of the hands of the monkey within and into the smooth but slow system that is your higher logic function. 

                Secondly you can fight them. I do every day, apparently – although not always successfully, as today my desk mate had the most delicious looking cake and I caved after about ten minutes of her chanting “Get jealous” to me. It’s not easy – but it is the same part of the brain that makes people give in to all types of addiction, and it can be trained (apparently) like any animal. If you can find some way to reward it for saying no, you’ll find it learns pretty quick to ignore its previous addiction but you are likely just displacing it’s loyalty/affection/addiction to that other thing – which is fine, but you should be aware that’s how it works. You heard about rebounds, right? Yeah, that’s displacement. 

                The other way to train is with negative reinforcement. This is scientifically proven, across the animal kingdom, to be significantly less efficient at retraining instinctive responses but is usually easier. It does work; punishing yourself for eating too much does encourage you to eat less eventually. You have to stick with it, use that under-nourished part of your mind that functions on logic and not glandular stimulus, and continually berate yourself into doing it. If you read this blog around August-October time last year you will actually witness me doing this – I punished myself for eating too much by going to the gym afterwards or rewarded myself by eating a little more after a workout. I was training my instinctive mind to eat less and/or exercise more using this basic technique and I didn’t even know.

                My instincts were training themselves. I was just along for the ride – it’s like in the new Robocop film (not a spoiler) when they explain near the beginning why he functions so well in combat; he’s not actually making decisions, he’s just watching them being made. That’s what happened to me – and happens to a lot of people on a daily basis. We’re barely even living our lives, if this is true; we’re just experiencing them for the most part. The only time you make a real decision is if you sit down and spend time thinking it through – even then, apparently you can’t be sure.

                Or you can choose to look at it as you having two very powerful and unique decision making processes, on which your mind is used to using for quick, snap decisions and the other when you’re less under pressure. Being able to make decisions with both – or choosing which to use to make a specific decision – is where you get to take control of everything you do. And food, like any addiction, can be fought using either or both of these processes. One might start out as a weakness and the other as a little difficult to engage but eventually the first will be as strong a defence as it once was traitor and the second will be a smooth, slick mechanized machination matrix that will allow to create perfect decisions when you engage it. 

                I know it’s tough, I know it seems insurmountable, but you can say no. It might help to remember that what you’re really doing is saying ‘yes’ to something else – losing weight, being in better shape, having an excuse to buy new clothes, and much, much more! You don’t need the extra food unless you’re using it – and it’s a lot of work to shift a slice of chocolate fudge cake, trust me. So next time you feel inexorably drawn towards a dish or feel your sweet tooth tugging, remember you’ll have to run a couple of miles at least to work it off. Who knows; maybe not having to do the run will be enough of a carrot for you to avoid that extra snack.

Are You Having Fun Yet?

                  This was originally written on Thursday. It is testament to my amazing powers of organization that it took me this long to get it posted. Be impressed, readers.

                  I played another game of squash last night, and I really enjoyed it. In fact, I play four games with a friend of mine – thankfully, as I lost the first two dismally but managed a comeback taking the next two. While my friend was basically exhausted afterwards I’m pretty sure he must have enjoyed it to some extent. I’m pretty sure he agreed to go again as well. I didn’t burn as many calories as doing solid cardio for an equivalent time but I certainly got more satisfaction out of it.

                So what about this experience warrants a second blog post this week? It caused a bit of a revelation for me that I wanted to share. This was that I didn’t consider it a chore at all – not that it wasn’t tiring or required no effort, but I thoroughly enjoyed it all the way through so while it wasn’t quite as effective for calorie burn I felt I had spent my time a lot more enjoyably even thorough I was still exercising. Some people might find this a fairly obvious realization – that sports were, you know, intended to be fun – but I had previously not found any which I personally enjoyed. This meant that I was happier doing the exercise and got a better feeling afterwards as well – and I really needed the exercise, having just discovered my successful dieting had brought my calorie limit down to 1290 if I still want to lose 2lbs a week.

                I’ll be honest; I’m not limiting my intake enough to lose 2lbs a week any more. Evidence of this was the sticky chocolate pudding I had yesterday, lightly bathed in custard (hence the emergency trip to the squash court). I need to fit in more physical activity if I’m going to hit my increased goal of being 13 stone when I turn 26, and this discovery about exercise possibly being fun as well as beneficial is going to go a long way to helping that. If I can seriously manage to go to the squash courts four times a week, jogging there and walking back, I’ll be burning about 500 calories in a hour of activity which I enjoy.

                Now, numerically that is far inferior an amount than if I run for an hour – which burns about 900. And if I was truly set on this whole exercise thing, getting in shape and becoming semi-Olympian in appearance in the near future I would do that. However, I’m not; the diet and the exercise are still, as they have always been, for me and at a level I can manage, sustain and enjoy. If one of those three factors is lacking, for anyone, in their exercise regime it becomes unmanageable, unsustainable or unenjoyable (see how well that works?) and any of those negative additions to an activity or task make it much, much harder to finish or go through with – and exercise is no different.

                So that is my new mission statement for exercise – less intense, more regularly, more enjoyable. There were more ‘more’s’ in that statement so it must be an improvement. I would recommend anyone trying to lose weight or get fit (or both) try the same. Obviously you’ll have guess this already if you’re more experienced in the wonderful world of exercise, and you will need a greater intensity to get the same kind of benefit and if you’re looking to build muscle you’ll have to be pretty picky about which sport you choose if you want to get the same benefit as just pumping iron. 

So this anecdotal advice is not for you – it’s for people who are looking to improve general fitness or lose a bit of weight without feeling like the elephant in the room when they walk in the gym. I know that’s how I felt for the first couple of months I went, and I’m not saying everyone feels that way either; I’m just letting people know I appreciate it can be scary. One of my friends at work has said the gym is boring and terrifying because everyone is staring at you. I know a lot of my other friends share her opinion and this can be a very intimidating feeling – I would like to point out it is wholly not true. I people watch a lot as a hobby (because I am clearly the coolest thing since refrigeration) and very few people at the gym watch other people there, let alone out right stare or glare. Sure, there’s a couple of not-quite-casual glances but it’s nothing like the playground bullying people expect or assume to happen. Even if it did, you’re there for you – the fact that others might make comments or jibes just demonstrates an insecurity in themselves.

Yeah, I know that’s not a wholly convincing statement, or even if you do believe it you can argue that it doesn’t stop people having their own insecurities which is the crux of that matter. Doing a sport with friends is another good way around that insecurity – safety in numbers and all that. It’s also fun and distracts you from other worries that, quite frankly, are less important. A good sense of competitive camaraderie is healthy in any group of friends and indulging and/or encouraging that in any is great for getting you to do things you wouldn’t normally. So get out there, try something new and find out if you can enjoy some form of exercise!

Getting Close to Clawing Distance

                 13st 7lbs after breakfast, Monday started well! Then I forgot my work pass, wallet and hadn’t got much sleep so when these three realizations hit me in the work car park I wanted to crawl into the back seat of my car and sleep the day away. Fortunately I managed to get myself together enough to make into the office and once I’d got there I wasn’t getting away from it. So I’ve ploughed through today and just about made it.

                In diet news I have now tried my week without exercise. I felt lazy and fat for not going and didn’t really spend my time much more productively. Thus I have reasoned the gym and exercise are still worthwhile as part of my weekly schedule. I snuck in a quick visit on Sunday playing squash with a friend which was pretty fun, and also spawned the conversation I’m going to write about today.

                We were basically discussing ‘being thin’ versus ‘being fit’. My objective for the last year has been the former, but she’s quite far ahead of me on that and so her objective has been the latter. Having shunned weights for the majority of my workout practice I was reticent to agree initially but that was because I was looking at it from my point of view – I still need to lose weight and building muscle doesn’t do that for me. From her point of view, however, cardio is next to useless for building upper body strength and so is far less important to her as part of a workout. So we kind of went round and round in our discussion without really getting anywhere. 

                I didn’t have the above revelation until yesterday evening, so was at least half to blame for our conversation becoming a little circular. I blame the fact that I was tired from the workout and was recovering from being beaten by a girl at squash, which are terrible excuses but it’s the best I can manage. I did accept that my upper body strength was not what I wanted it to be, however, and also that I would be changing my workout system to build on this come the turning of my twenty-sixth year. That being in the very near future, however, I wondered if it was worth waiting.

                My quandary comes from the fact that I originally started my diet, and this record of it, in the pursuit of becoming thin and set out to achieve that goal within a year. I am reluctant to start doing weight work at the gym, most likely only because I haven’t done any of it before and don’t really know what I would do, because that year is not quite up yet. However after the above conversation with my friend I’ve realised my goal was flawed from the outset – or perhaps ‘restricted’ is a better word. While weight loss was my primary goal, secondary to that was being in shape. This appears to have been an unconscious aim, so much so that it took me a year to realise and/or accept it. 

Perhaps it was also related to what I like to think of realistic achievement setting; when I started my diet I was 18st and 9lbs – 261lbs – and at that stage being fit and in shape was an unrealistic goal in the conceivable future. However, now I’m in a much better place to achieve that goal so I could – and probably will – change my targets for my fitness regime to include a little more muscle and weight work. My arms are looking a bit spindly and I don’t think that’s just down to a skewed perspective from having been fat. I’m still pretty terrible at pull ups so that’s something I definitely want to work on. 

What I am trying to drive at is that each person’s diet and exercise decisions are their own, and there is only one way a plan is going to work for that person – if they like it or not. Humans are incredibly capable when it comes to finding ways not to do things that they don’t want to – so good in fact that they sometimes find themselves struggling against their own instinctive need to avoid them – this is probably a socio-culturally influenced conclusion so isn’t a hard-and-fast scientific rule, for those of you about to reject my theory. So if someone tells you this is what you must do and you disagree then you will find ways to avoid doing it, or to disprove their statement. If you don’t want to do something your instinctive response – somewhat obviously – will be to not do it. It is ingrained at some primal level. This is why habits are so hard to break, and why we look for patterns in everything. 

The trick is not to break habits, but change them. Craft your responses and behaviours like an artisan creates a sculpture; little by little and adapting older parts as new ideas form. You can become a work of art, but that does require effort. Make the effort, make yourself want to make the effort, and you’ll find yourself achieving a lot more. No, it’s not easy, but do it bit by awkward bit and you will end up with a whole you have reformed in an image you wanted. If you change your mind, you can change that form even as you go. 

So, Katie, I’m sorry I was stuck in my point of view too much we could have a proper discussion about fitness and working out. I’ll have a more open mind next time and you can show me around the weight room more. I will change my goals and my methods so that they come closer to the design I want to achieve. I will also beat you at squash, but that’s a goal for the middle future I think – especially considering how much time I spent running into walls.

Closing In

                In four weeks’ time, I will be twenty-six years old. I am 13st and 7lbs (189lbs) and only 7 stone off my target. This is entirely achievable, although I think I have to bring my daily calorie amount down a little to manage it safely. This means that in a year I will have lost 5st and 8lbs – 78lbs – without significantly impacting my lifestyle. Sure, I eat less and work out more but that hasn’t taken away from what I do as hobbies or general interests – if anything it has added to it. But, inarguably, there has been change and that is what I am posting about today.

                Biggest change? Eating habits. This is probably obvious but that doesn’t make it any less important to discuss. I do eat less – and less often. I now nibble at nibbles, rather than devour them en masse, and I snack on fruit over crisps or fast food. Deserts I avoided anyway but I’ve started having these now as a good way to compliment an otherwise-healthy meal when I’m low on calories so I don’t have to stuff my face with spinach leaves or other salad in a confused binge eating session. I very rarely have crisps at all now, and only drink sugar-free drinks (for the most part. Recent Red Bull moments have basically banned that from my list of acceptable drinks altogether), both of which have been a massive influence in both my weight loss and general eating habits. I still have these things occasionally, but nowhere near as often or in as large amounts.

                Second biggest change is the amount of physical exercise. Again, this is pretty obvious if you talk to me or read this blog but it is, again, still important. I am walking places more, running places more, randomly doing press-ups or sit-ups occasionally when I’m bored or waiting on something. I find myself more able – and more willing – to exert myself physically and do physical labour or activity. It’s a pretty awesome feeling, and very liberating. Sure, actually doing actually requires effort but it seems I’ve got a lot more of that to give now.

                Next a little bit of a negative; I’ve become more judgemental of my appearance. Conversely one could argue (as I’m sure one of my brothers would) that caring more about you appearance isn’t a bad thing and I can’t disagree with that statement. It just becomes a bit of an issue when I find myself judging how I look compared to how I want to look, rather than how I did in the past. I think it’s not necessarily fair on myself and might make me appear vain. I also worry about how my hair looks, which isn’t a thought that’s really gone through my head before now. This concern does, however, provide a constant source of motivation. I just hope it hasn’t made me overly-critical.

                Apart from those changes I’ve noticed my conversations have become a lot more focused, or at least I have had a lot more focused conversations. This happens to anyone who gains a lot of knowledge very quickly on a specific subject, I think, and since my friends know I’ve been finding out a lot about the subject so they have been asking me questions about this specifically – which is a compliment – so I don’t think I’ve lost my ability to have diverse conversations. However, I do take interest in a lot of conversations and articles that I previously would have ignored and my twitter account is plagued by any number of fitness/diet related tweets from myself or people I have followed purely for that reason.

                I have a lot less free time. This is probably a good thing – I used to spend my time on a whole host of time consumer and fairly unproductive tasks and time-spends. I now feel I achieve a lot more on each and every day, which is immensely satisfying, and I really appreciate it when I spend an evening relaxing or by myself. I’ve recently reaffirmed to myself that I am cripplingly introverted, and part of my apparently perpetual exhaustion is propagated by my plentiful public activities on top of work and personal life. I wouldn’t say I don’t enjoy it, but I am very busy now. I get very little time to myself – yes, this is totally my choice but if I want to enjoy my life I have to do things I enjoy, right? Seeing friends, doing things, actually indulging in my plethora of hobbies, they all take time. Really it’s a bit of a timetabling miracle that I find time to get my blog entries done some weeks.

                I’ve also become more grateful to people – for a lot of things. Support, encouragement, little phrases I used to consider just lip service have all started to mean more to me (probably because I think I’ve earned it) and each and every time someone says something along those lines to me it makes me feel like I have achieved something. So I am grateful, for that and also for everyone who comes to the gym with me, even if it’s not every week, or talks to me about food and dieting or shows their support in other ways, great or small. It has shown me exactly how good my friends are and I can only be grateful to them for it. I hope I show it enough, and regularly.

                Lastly I have become a lot more judgemental and damning of people who are selfish or ungrateful. I am guilty of behaving in this manner – hopefully a lot less often now than previously – but this has been something I’ve tried to actively remove from my behaviour. I find as detestable in myself as I do in others, and I’ve found it a good judge of someone’s character to see how they react when I tell them they’re being ungrateful. People who throw it back in my face and say they have nothing to be grateful for, or that they deserve better anyway, are the kind of people I’m trying not to associate with.

                It’s mainly due to a fear I’ll start replicating this behaviour, which would be horrible. I tried to explain it to someone as them spreading negative energy and attitude, and that it would infect my spiritual balance. I was only being semi-serious – I do believe that a person’s outward expression of energy and emotion can strongly influence another’s, but I was trying to see how far I could push the argument before they called bullshit. It was about the time I started talking about their negative energy creating evil spirits which then escaped from them and tried to possess others she started getting suspicious.

The point behind this tangent is that I’m trying to avoid this behaviour in a very proactive manner; I’ve come to understand that if you focus too much on what you think you deserve other people will start thinking you deserve lesser and lesser amounts. I forgot that for a short time recently and my general life satisfaction really did take a hit as a result. Yes, you absolutely have to live for yourself BUT you also have to live with other people, and they will be far more willing to offer you things if you offer something to them. Unless they’re a complete ingrate, at which point you should let them know and/or leave them to it. Alone.

So that is how my diet and weight loss has affected me, from my point of view. I would love to hear any feedback or opinions friends and/or readers have had from either seeing me in person or from a change in tone, style and attitude in my writing so please let me know – yes, this partly an attention seeking, ego-feeding request (to which I can unashamedly admit :D ) but it would also be very interesting to know what people thought. So let me know, and let me know as well if you’re dieting or have changed your eating or exercise habits recently how you think it has affected you. Comparing stories is always good – we could have a camp fire with smores, if we found a low-calorie smores substitute.

Another Week Down, Another Week Biting Dust

               I do not know how much I weigh, at time of writing. The gym scales say 13st 8lbs, which would be awesome, but since I haven’t used them in some time it’s not a fair comparison. Also, after a weekend of slightly controlled excess, I would have expected to weigh a little more than normally but I guess I didn’t eat much on Sunday as I spent most of my time on various trains. I feel great though, slightly less tired than normal and I’ve felt my cravings a lot less than in previous weeks.

                So what have I done to change my eating habits this last week? One of my work mates told me that humans were not designed to eat three big meals a day – we are in fact intended, biological, to have five or six smaller meals. This is tied into the hunter-gatherer history humanity has whereby we would travel around looking for food, eating a little, and moving on before being found by predators or hostile humans. So I thought I would give it a go.

                I delay my breakfast until I get into work, eating at around 0850 rather than 0800. This is constituted of an egg and ham on toast, an egg and ham sandwich or a mixture of various sliced meats with an egg on toast for a calorie total of approx. 200-350, topped up with a small glass of milk before I leave for another 50. I could have a larger glass but I hate milk so limit it to this for my own contentment, but still have some because it is disgustingly healthy.

This keeps me satisfied until lunch time – and sometimes a little longer depending on whether or not I had a larger breakfast due to gym commitments in the evening. I usually work through my lunch now, allowing me to leave work at 1700 rather than 1800, and it also means I have less idle time for my stomach to get in touch with my brain about its insecurities (“Did that sandwich make me look empty? I feel empty…”). Lunch is a tomato-wrap with various filling fillings but is nearly always chicken in salad cream, three slices of salami, and a mixture of onions, rocket and cucumber. Yes, the tomato-wrap is being chosen under the probable misconception that it is healthier than a plain one. I total this as approximately six hundred calories but don’t have it all at once. For one thing, half a wrap is filling enough and for another I don’t have time to get to the deli at work, order the food, get back to my desk and eat it all. I save half of it until my afternoon break, around 1500 and then top myself up then. This keeps me full all afternoon.

I usually hit the gym around 1800, traffic allowing, and stay there for an hour to an hour and a half. I am not hungry during this time and keep a bottle of water with me at all times when possible. The physical activity keeps my mind off food and I’m not hungry for about half an hour afterwards – just long enough to get home, showered, and started on cooking something just as I start feeling some small hunger pangs.

Perfect, right? Well, not quite. Part of this evolutionist theory is that we’re constantly moving around. I work in an office; there’s only so many times I can go get water and even that is probably not representative of trekking across countryside or savannah in search of food. The other problem is that my evening meal is usually fairly substantial to compensate for the work I do at the gym. Why don’t I eat less? Because I eat little enough already. I am cutting down a little bit but I’m still wary of lowering my calorie intake too far, especially as I’m burning 800-1200 at the gym on average. 

How can I remedy these problems? As regards the supposed-to-be constant movement there is very little I can do. I’m still doing a little bit of exercise in down-time – finish a chapter, do twenty press-ups, finish writing a page, do ten, for example – but it’s difficult to fit incremental exercises into my daily regime simply because I have a sedentary job. I do what I can – use the stairs rather than the lift, walk the long way back to my car (why don’t I run to work? Three miles in the morning might only take me half an hour but I’d have to bring my suit in a bag and that would be a hideous thing to do. Same goes for cycling), make sure I walk through every aisle in supermarkets (ignoring the strange looks I get from staff members). But aside from getting a new job, which is difficult and there’s no guarantee I’ll have much more freedom of movement if I do, there’s little else I can manage.

As for combating the unbalanced meal size of my dinner I could just increase the size of each of my portion-meals over the course of the day. This would bring them up to a minimum of four hundred calories which is actually quite a lot of food for me – take into account my limit before exercise is only 1420. The upshot of me repeating that information for the millionth time is that if I don’t go to the gym – which does happen – then I may not be able to eat dinner. The reason I have the unbalanced meal is that I don’t want to over eat earlier in the day and then have to skip the gym for whatever reason (usually a toss-up between emergencies, social invites or laziness when it does happen).

So that is my new diet plan with the reasoning behind it, the supposed advantages and the obstacles I’m aware of. If anyone else has thoughts on this, or experiences, please let me know. If it is a terrible idea I’d quite like to know. It’s getting close to being simply overcast rather than cloud-haunted in England and I might need to consider buying yet more new clothes with the season change. I’d rather my weight didn’t make a surprise return unexpectedly because this idea is as flawed a tactic as Custer’s Charge. 

It also conveniently allows me to excuse eating half a wheel of blue cheese and a lot of pasta over the course of Saturday. Definitely a coincidence :D

You Eat What You Earn

Last week was a lazy week. Only two gym visits and not one, not two but three whole cheat days. It didn’t go ideally to plan, and as of this morning I was about the same weight as last Monday, although I weighed myself after breakfast. Some of you might wonder how much I eat for breakfast that it matters what time I weigh myself in the morning but it can make all the difference sometimes – even if it’s only in my head some mornings.

                So how am I planning to fix this? Well, I’m not really sure. I’m going to the gym tonight and Wednesday, but I’ve been booked out tomorrow as well as the weekend and might be busy on Thursday night. So it may be that I don’t have that much time. I’m going to be trying to sneak in a session on Tuesday quickly but it’s not looking good. So it looks like a week of thin rations rather than plenty, and back to dieting basics. However I’ve encountered a few problems with this, having tried it last week.

                I really don’t like pasta any more. I stopped eating it so much since I started going to the gym, as I had more calories to use up and could have a wider variety of foods as a result, and having tried to go back to it as a low calorie, filling meal I’ve found I don’t find it appetising in the least. Weirdly, rice tempts me powerfully but is not as good a supplement as it takes more of it to fill me up and I’m pretty sure is less healthy. If I’m incorrect please correct me so I can have it without feeling like a diet-traitor. I’m also going off kale. I don’t think I ever really liked it, if I’m honest, but it is far too good for me to not eat. Coupled with my drop in interest for pasta it makes my evening meals a bit of a chore. “So you don’t have to eat anything in the evening, right? That’ll help the diet!” – Not really. I still need to eat to live.

                So how am I going to solve this conundrum? Well, I could talk to people who cook and find a couple of low calorie meals to make, varying my diet a little (shock horror) and making sure I never really fill my food life with too much of the same thing. This is probably the best plan I can come up with, so I should really make an effort to enact it. The problem is my evenings are quite busy and cooking can take an unfortunate amount of time. Yes, I know I keep saying we make time for the things we want to do but I don’t want to cook really; what I actually want to do is eat without having to work for it. That’s a very, very lazy outlook, I know. And when I do cook I do enjoy it but it still seems a bit of a chore when I think about it in advance, mostly due to the time it takes to do it rather than the effort. So what I’m looking for are quick, healthy, low calorie meals which require minimal effort to prepare and are fairly filling.

                Do not, do not, say salads. Yes, I appreciate my aversion to them seems mildly unintelligent and counter-productive but I don’t find them appetising at all. Maybe I need to learn to enjoy them, and this is something I am getting closer and closer to experimenting with. They are not something that I want forced upon me though. Part of my reticence is spawned of fear they won’t fill me up, which sounds pretty dumb now I come to voice the concern – I could always, you know, eat more to compensate as something lacking meat and carbohydrate isn’t going to have a massive calorie count to it so that shouldn’t be a worry. And yes, I know I can actually add some meat to them if I want a bit of carnivore-friendly flavour. It’s something I will look into, at some point, but before I push the boat out that far I’ll look for alternatives I feel more tempted by.

                So do I have any of my own ideas or am I just going to beg for them? Well, basically every woman I’ve spoken to has decided to mock my ability to cook based on the fact I’m a man and therefore am genetically unable to. Contrary to this, I can; it is definitely a ‘won’t cook’ issue for me. Tonight I’m probably looking at a risotto, which I appreciate is not the height of culinary genius but I’ll be honest; ‘cooking’ of any variety is basically heating things up to a specific temperature for a specific time. Yes, you can add herbs and spices and such, and I do, but it’s not a secret, ninja art taught only in shadow and quiet whispers. I don’t want to belittle those who can cook really well – you certainly have an admirable talent. What I want to say is if someone applies themselves they can probably prepare a meal of a fairly impressive standard for an amateur. I’m not saying any one can be a chef, but nearly everyone can be a cook.

                What am I trying to say, apart from perhaps digging myself into a hole with culinary experts and professional kitchen preparation artists everywhere? Simply, that anyone can cook. Get your ingredients, don’t be an idiot when you choose how to prepare them, make sure you don’t burn them, don’t drop them on the floor. The real trick is knowing what goes with what and when to mix them; the rest is just observation and light lifting. Yes, fire can be scary. Sure, you might get it wrong. Ideally check with whoever you’re cooking for that they eat what you’re going to prepare – having made this mistake it was very awkward half way through the meal when the other person revealed they didn’t eat one of the things I’d put in there. It wasn’t an allergic reaction, but it wasn’t a best pleased one either.

                Why is this relevant to dieting? Two reasons! One, it allows you to control your intake with a lot more detail and therefore you will find it easier to diet/not over eat. Again, it still requires a measure of self-control but even one of my work colleagues, who admits to having all the self-control of a small child that is high on sugar and has been set alight, is managing it now he’s preparing his own food. It also gives you a sense of satisfaction and pride in what you’re eating, a sense you deserve to eat it. I like to think this is linked to hunter-gatherer instincts rewarding you for your hard work.

                The second reason is that dieting can be expensive if you buy pre-packaged or pre-prepared diet food/meals. Actimel don’t price their yogurts and more cheaply than full fat ones because they’re giving you less stuff in them, and all types of food that sell themselves on containing less of X, Y and/or Z appear to cost more for the pleasure of their consumption. However, buying your own ingredients can be very cheap, as long as you’re not importing the finest ostrich meat from Australia or having caviar for breakfast regularly. I find that either the meals are cheaper if you buy the ingredients separately or you get a lot more meals out of the same amount of money as if you bought pre-prepared branded food stuffs. And you learn a life skill: sounds like a bargain.

                I therefore recommend doing you own cooking if you’re looking to lose weight, sticking with my theme for DIY dieting. The best way to do a thing is to learn as much as you can about it, so empower yourself with some creative cooking knowledge and get to it! Or, if you’re like me, do what you did at university in a desperate attempt to avoid awful malnutrition issues and find some succulent solutions to starvation which are both simple and satisfying.

H2Open your mind

                Yes, that is a horrible post title but it’s about as good as you’re going to get from me on a Monday morning. After an intense week of exercise, I have to admit I have sadly failed Drogo week. It started well, with me hitting the gym Monday through to Thursday, but Friday I didn’t get time and Saturday/Sunday I definitely didn’t make the time or effort. But now I do know that I can gym four days in a row, so it wasn’t entirely wasted. I now weigh in at 13st 9lbs, 191lbs or 86.6kg so while my progress has been slowed it is still there – an advance as implacable as that of a glacier, or that’s how I pitch it.

                I hope you’re already for a SURPRISE RETURN of actual diet-related advice, rather than exercise which has become a strong theme of this blog for the last month or so. That’s right, diet-fans; there is A NEW DIET HOPE! So what’s it about? More adventures into vegetables that are nearly inedible raw? A fantastic, calorie free form of rice or pasta? Chocolate you can eat free of guilt? 

                No; it’s water. Comes out of taps, the sky and people’s eyes on several occasions – although I only recommend one of those for drinking. As most people are aware the human body is somewhere between seventy and ninety percent water depending on what source you use/believe. This means, to the amateur scientist that I am, that our nutritional intake should be seventy to ninety percent water as well and hence I am now drinking about two litres of water a day. This was a big deal in the 90’s (some readers may not remember that glorious, bygone era) and I’m quite impressed I’m actually keeping up with it. 

Now, I appreciate that water has little mineral content (depending on the quality of your pipes) and that the main upshot of drinking a lot of it is that you have to answer nature’s call regularly or get good at sitting in awkward positions for long periods of time. However, it can theoretically reduce the amount you eat. My view: fill your stomach with water (next to no calories) and it can’t fit any more food in it, so you don’t get hungry. Not the most professional view but since being a nutritionist requires fewer certifications than being a car impact test dummy I will still claim to be one.

 

To reinforce my point with something a little more powerful, my very diet-knowledgeable friend explained it worked because we get a large portion of the water we need from food intake, so drinking more plain water – or high-water content drinks like squash – will effectively teach your stomach to crave water rather than food, and the difference between hunger and thirst. Whether it is actual condition or simply the psychosomatic kind it has worked for me. My snacking habits have almost completely died off, which is helping with the satisfaction and contentment side of the diet a lot. I’m sure it’s made a difference to my food intake as well. I should possibly talk to my friend more about the diet thing, since a lot of her advice was actually quite good.

One of the great things about water? You can drink it anywhere. No one looks down on people drinking water (except for certain social groups on a night out) and a lot of work places encourage it – by keeping yourself regularly hydrated you’ll find your concentration is better, your mind more responsive and you generally feel less tired and sluggish. I’m not just saying that based on what I’ve read; my experience has been of those effects as well. I also do have to make more trips to the bathroom, obviously, but that’s just more exercise. Also helps avoid my legs going to sleep from sitting in the office for nine hours of my day. 

To aid with my water drinking ways I have withdrawn my sponsorship of any carbonated drink at work – in fact, any drink apart from water. It helps the water dispensers are plentifully placed around the office and, personally, if I can hit ten cups of water in a day I consider it a success. I’m currently only on eight with a half hour to go, which might entail a quick chugging session before I leave but it has certainly kept me awake. I have over eaten today, currently sitting on 1210 of my 1420 calories for today but I am going to the gym tonight (#notanaddict) so that’s okay. I am going to try and go four days this week but at some point I will be trying a control week where I go back to the original plan – just diet, no gym. This is to measure (in a really unrepresentative and mostly non-scientific manner) what, if any, effect exercising has on my weight loss. I am hoping the result is ‘none’, in that I lose the same amount of weight in both weeks regardless of exercise. This will mean I am eating appropriately for the level I am exercising. 

But that update will have to wait at least two more weeks! For now, diet-fans, remember; don’t get irate – HYDRATE! Keep an H2Open mind and waterever you do, waterever you go keep drinking and don’t let your diet dry up.

Drogo Week

               Another week, another pound! I’m now 13st 10lbs, 192lbs or 87kg depending on your measurement preference. I fit comfortably into my 34” jeans as opposed to only just and have even more clothes to throw out. So plenty of good news, right? I’m also getting plenty of compliments too, so I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Or do I?

                I do, because I’m from the First World and as such have grown up looking for the flaws and imperfections that make my brilliant life ‘incomplete’. What am I complaining about? Myself – some might call that unusual but it is the purpose of this blog, really. What did I do? I cut my gym session last night by forty five whole minutes. I was still there for an hour and a half, and I did only cut it short because between finishing work at six, eating and getting to sleep at a decent (ish) time squashing in a gym visit of longer than an hour is difficult. The other issue was I had fallen so far behind in calorie count I had to make up by eating that I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to if I carried on through with my work out plan. I wasn’t exhausted when I left but I was tired, and had travelled fifteen km over three machines so it was by no means a wasted trip. I just feel I let myself down by not staying longer, and I’m also going to eat slightly less afterwards as I felt rotten after what was actually quite a healthy dinner of pasta, bacon and kale (cooked) – it was just an awful lot to eat at once. 

                Today my legs only ache a little and my upper body is fine, so I clearly didn’t do enough work. How to remedy this? Easy; I have created a contingency plan to compensate for this perceived failure and/or increase in ability. Now, being one of my plans, it is obviously considered, well thought through and suitably measured as a response. It certainly does not suffer from an abundance of ambition or an absence of appropriate expectation.

                This week is DROGO WEEK! I’ll be running to and using the gym every day until Friday, and most likely being increasingly tired verging on exhausted every day until Friday too. I definitely didn’t decide on this while under the influence of testosterone – which a friend has convinced me is a mind-altering drug. Regardless, that is my resolution and I will remain resolved to rectify my restrained exercise regime: If I can push myself harder, I should push myself harder.

                Now, just to prove I have given some thought to this titanic (ish) tactic I will point out that I will not be doing the same thing every day at the gym – for instance, having done thirty five minutes on the treadmill (5km) and the same time on the cross trainer (7.25km) yesterday, I will not be using them today. I’m looking at 30 minutes rowing and 35 minutes cycling. I did do ten minutes rowing yesterday for 2.3km but pushed myself too far considering I haven’t done it in about a month. I’m pretty sure if I pace myself I can manage half an hour. My brother’s comment on my rowing yesterday was pretty positive; “You looked pretty good but sounded like a Viking.”

                This is a review I will amenably accept – my music play was too loud for me to hear myself over but I have recently updated my work out playlist so rather than just being everything on my phone it is an actual playlist. It is formed of what I would consider manly, motivational tracks, so mainly metal or things like the Skyrim theme. I have crafted it after a conversation with a friend about the effects of testosterone after which I came to two conclusions; firstly I would use the sauna after every work out to calm down and secondly testosterone is the perfect biological fuel for the fires of my fitness rebirth. Ergo, the new playlist is full of tracks that were written and played after the writer/performer had injected themselves with about 250cc or equal parts testosterone and adrenaline. Currently it’s about thirty minutes in length but I’m planning to build on it. As a bonus I have substantially increased my collection of Scandinavian metal, so it has had non-exercise benefits too. It has certainly kept me motivated and pushing my limits to breaking point.

                The message this week is one of rediscovery. Don’t let your workout – or your diet – become stale or stagnant. It won’t keep you interested or enjoying it, and will make it a chore rather than a challenge, arduous rather than an adventure and embittering rather than empowering. Entropy is the only constant, the only real law of nature and therefore real rebels resist it rather than being rambunctious hipsters. Do not give in to laziness – it leads to inertia and to entropy, which leads to something much less exciting than the Dark Side. You should live your life, not just survive it and so I encourage you to vary your routine – boldly go where you haven’t been before, eat what you haven’t eaten before and do what you haven’t done before. Rediscover the enjoyment you can have from exercise or the satisfaction you find in dieting, or discover something new about those things. Hopefully you’ll even like it.