A More Full Bodied Return

                I am fat. Again – or still, perhaps. Not obese, although bordering on it sadly. I broke my hand and that stopped me going to the gym and other exercises, although on the running front that was just me being lethargic. But as of last week I have run twice a week for 20-25 minutes and will be extended that to about 30 minutes from next week onwards. Thanks goes to my brother who’s come along on the runs, making them less of a trial. A couple of friends have also got into the idea of exercising and have asked me to assist them – which is a great opportunity for me! I will also have to get back into the habit of chasing people to come running or exercising with me.

                How did the back-sliding begin though? I had such high hopes, so much motivation! Where did it all go wrong? Well, the motivation flagged and I became a little disillusioned with it all. I felt like I was out of control, and I rebelled against the diet – I ate what I want, when I wanted and told myself I’d make it up later with exercise, or that it was a one off indulgence. Clearly a one-off indulgence every day is not, in fact, a limited diet.

                I lost focus. That’s the long and short of it. I was so close to my goal I slackened off on my not-quite-ironclad grip on what and when I ate, thinking it would be okay. Over two or three months I did this more and more, being able to excuse each extravagance as a ‘treat’ or a ‘rarity’. This wasn’t the case. I was lying to myself, and I was good at it. Having put on more than a stone, I now weigh 206lbs again. That’s a lot of back sliding. I unimpressed, disappointed and angry. Which initially makes me want to comfort eat, which is very frustrating.

                So the runs are step one. Step two was signing back up to MyFitnessPal. Many people fault this app/website, frown or brush off calorie counting and are generally derisive about the idea of recording their intake and exercise regime. It’s effort, I get that, and no, it might not be 100% accurate 100% of the time but it is far, far better than nothing. It gives you an actual record, a list, a trail of your successes and failures, it can give you an impression of what should be cut from your diet and where and when. And really, it’s maybe 5-10 minutes out of your day. The reason people don’t want to do it, that they’re sceptical of it, is that they don’t believe in it. Signing up and filling it out daily will not physically make you lose weight, but it will help you find ways that you can.

                It will also tell where you are going wrong. This is a big factor in why people don’t want to use it; it will force them to either admit their weight is due to something that they are doing, that it’s something that is caused by them and it is a consequence of their actions. This is understandable, it is natural, and it is a massive problem if you actually want to lose weight. Who cares how it started, or if it’s your fault, or how long it’s happened for – stop it now. Get past it, move on and then you’ll be able to fix it.

                Step three, for me, is this blog. It helps keep dieting and exercise in the front of my mind – if I have nothing to report on here, then I clearly haven’t be working that hard! So expect some more posts, hopefully entertaining, informative or both, and if you’ve got any questions, quietly sticking away in the back of your mind about it, or to help someone you know and care about who is doing what I did and procrastinating on something I want to do, know I should do, but don’t want to face up to the full responsibility of doing. I’ll help however I can – even if it’s just bugging you to come running!

 

               

‘Twas the season to be fatty….

                (This is a long over due post so it might be a bit late to help with the Christmas/Chanukah/Festive feasting but hopefully it help some people maintain resolve going forward)

                It is remarkably difficult not to over-eat during the Christmas period. There is so much good food and so many social events that put you near that same food, it’s basically an impossibility to avoid gorging yourself on the seasonal delights available. Other people aren’t much help either; “Diet? It’s Christmas!” is the general line they come out with. While it is full of Christmas cheer it left myself feeling nervous and wary of anything resembling and eating area.

                What is my advice for dealing with this? Well, you have two options. Either you can avoid it and stick to your weight-loss guns. This is much harder than normal because everyone is likely to be encouraging you to eat more – sometimes to help them excuse their own over-eating, I’ll point out; it’s okay if everyone’s doing it. Or you can accept that your diet will take a hit, that you won’t lose much weight and may in fact put some on. Having drunk my weekly supply of calories in about two days, I have to admit to falling in the second camp.

                I am not weighing myself until the Epiphany (6^th Jan). This will allow me to see what the damage is after the feasting has taken a downwards curve and I will (hopefully) be back to my normal eating habits. I have tried to limit myself somewhat but I early on decided that my diet should not impinge unreasonably on my enjoyment of life – and that’s early on in my diet, rather than this Christmas season. Remember – once your diet becomes the most important and only thing in your life, you’ll probably stop enjoying it. So don’t let that happen! By temporarily suspending the strictness of my diet I still get to enjoy myself and the festive period without any guilt about ‘abandoning the diet’.

                And this is because it’s not abandoned at all. I am in control of it and while, yes, I would like not have to micro-manage it every single day of my life, I have to if I want to achieve my goal. Again, these are limits put in place by me and for me; it is not a societal or cultural restriction and neither do I feel it takes away any of my freedom. This is because it doesn’t; you are only losing weight for you. Other people may benefit, or admire, or support you but at the end of the day you live with yourself every day and therefore you are the person who gets the most out of it and is therefore the reason, the target and (ideally) the most grateful beneficiary of the diet. Don’t lose sight of that.

                If someone else says, “Oh, there goes the diet!” ignore them. Ignore that stab of annoyance that wants to reach out and cut them. Ignore the one of guilt that makes you want to stop eating or go and throw up. Ignore the fact they, in that one action, have intimately reminded you that they don’t fully understand what you’re trying to do. They’re just making a joke, and they mean it to be funny and without any malice. Maybe tell them later that you don’t appreciate it, or you find it unhelpful. Dieting is a sensitive issue, and one that is important and personal. Don’t let other people take away from your success, your victories, by letting these thoughtless comments get to you. 

                They just don’t understand. I used to get defensive about these comments, or try to explain the difference between relaxing a diet and throwing it away entirely. I never felt either course of action was particularly successful. Now I try to say, “Just for today,” or “It’s a special occasion,” but this doesn’t make it any easier. There’s usually a wistful expression, a brief conflict with personal responsibility and then I try to subtly yet pointedly stop eating while looking troubled. Gradually the ‘so much for the diet!’ comments are disappearing as a result of this passive-aggressive strategy.

                It’s not other people’s fault that they don’t necessarily understand or foresee the effects of their comments. They just see you enjoying yourself and want to be part of it, or want you to share in their enjoyment. It is, after all, the festive season; it is the season to be feasting. So give yourself a break, don’t get depressed about how much food ends up on your plate and enjoy yourself. I’ll see you all again on the sixth of January, where I’ll share in your rueful stories of celebration and talk in more detail about my own! Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, a fantastic celebration of whatever you celebrate and good tidings to all who don’t!