10+ pints of Doom Bar ale (because it was prepaid).
8+ pints of Magner’s Cider.
6 shots of Disarrono.
6 shots of assorted rum.
1 (or more) shots of vodka.
Some Peach Schnapps.
Lots of pizza.
As many breaded chicken bite things as I could find.
More alcohol (various)
More pizza.
1 BK Double Bacon XXL.
1 BK Chicken Royale with cheese.
1 medium portion on chips.
8 BK onion rings (not worth it).
1 Whole Chicken bathed in rum.
So a
totally healthy and balanced diet, if you forget most of the food
groups exist. I put on five pounds! That brought me to a total weight of
13st and 11lbs on Monday morning, which was pretty
depressing. I’m sure I’ll lose it again quick enough but it was not
what I wanted when I was exhausted, probably still hung over and having
to go back to work after an epic weekend. I tried going for a run after
work yesterday and that only made things worse
– I now feel like my right thigh is made of wood and my lower back
won’t bend without grumbling.
This
is another example of a ‘diet holiday’ wherein I can abandon the diet
for a short time so I enjoy myself without any mitigation and then get
back on the diet afterwards. As I’ve said before
(I seem to take a lot of diet holidays) this is completely fine as long
as you return to the diet. Like fighting any addiction a moment (or
weekend) of weakness is excusable in the face of weeks of abstinence. I
do appreciate the problem with an addiction
is the classic ‘once you pop you can’t stop’ issue, and I’m not saying
it doesn’t take willpower – I sincerely appreciate it does. I drink, I
smoke very occasionally, I’ve over indulged in a plethora of things
before but I don’t let them control me.
Which is what it’s all about; control (what a roundabout way to arrive
at my post subject…). I’ve got friends who smoke and say I don’t
understand the addiction just because
I’m not addicted. I had a friend at university who was an
out-and-out alcoholic - we’re talking beer for breakfast here, not just
a couple before and after dinner – who said I didn’t know what it was
like. I’ve known people who do hard drugs, adrenaline
junkies and a whole host of other people with a varying array of
addictions. Food is no different, it’s just less harmful (in the short
term) and more socially acceptable; you can definitely be addicted to
eating.
People won’t notice it so much – we have to eat to live, after all, and
usually it doesn’t alter your behaviour majorly. But you can notice some
things; withdrawal definitely occurs. It’s usually
confused/wrapped up in with being hungry but mood swings, aggressive
behaviour and a lack of patience or rationality can all be seen in a
food addict, just as with any other addict. I’m sure it’s related to the
vitamins and various other things in food so
should be supported by science. However, because eating food is
necessary to live people tend not to notice if someone is addicted to
it, or indulges unnecessarily. Sure, it won’t necessarily kill you like
heroine might but it’s still a problem.
I
understand addiction. I am a food addict, and may have been a borderline
alcoholic at one point. I feel that almost-overwhelming urge, the cry
of need your mind lets out whenever it sees the
item of your addiction. It’s like you’re being pulled towards it, drawn
by a force as strong as gravity and you simply
have to have it and you actually have no real choice in the
matter. It is a terrifyingly powerful need and can feel impossible to
fight – I have found it impossible to fight on many occasions. I had
twenty-five years of finding it impossible to fight,
basically living under the control of an addiction that fed itself and
only became stronger with every day I gave into it which made it harder
to fight on the next one.
It feels overpowering, overwhelming and overbearing; it is not
actually any of those things unless you let it be. I’m not saying
it’s easy, but it is simple. I’ve cut down on everything I
over-indulged in – food, smoking, drinking, the lot of it – and none of
it came easily (except smoking, as I never really made
that habitual or a ritual). I didn’t give up completely – I still do
each of those things and giving up food completely is pretty dumb – I
just cut down on what I had. Alcohol and smoking were much easier; don’t
buy them. They’re not necessary so they don’t
have to go in your shopping basket. I never bought cigarettes anyway so
that was easy for me. Alcohol was tougher, but I used the same tactic; I
didn’t buy any. I shocked myself into doing it, I’ll be honest; after
finding out a pint had as many calories in
it as two slices of bread I steered clear. Losing weight was more
important to me, and I made a good decision. Which is the important
point here – I made a decision.
I
recently read a scientific study concerning out ‘decision’ making
process. Apparently our instinctive mind is far more in control of our
actions than our logical, conscious mind. Sit down because
if this theory is correct (and for shock factor, imagine it is in this
example) your logical mind is so slow and meticulous that it can only
process one thought or action at a time – and this is the part of your
mind that deals with movement. You know sometimes
you have to stop walking to think about something properly, or in a
complicated manner? Yeah, your logic-mind can’t do that and walk at the
same time. So when you’re walking along and chatting to a mate you have
very little control of what you’re saying –
all those complicated opinions and thoughts you think you come up with
and have in-depth discussions about are about as thought through as your
decision about which hand you use to scratch your head. Think about it –
that’s why I suggested you should sit down.
So
whenever you pick something on the menu, or see something that tempts
you, that’s your instinctive brain, the feral little animal in your head
you think you keep on a leash, willing you towards
it. Every you give in to something that’s an addiction, you’re giving
in to something that has enslaved your instincts through its use or
abuse. This is why it is so difficult to fight it, to turn it down, to
resist – because you very instincts are telling
you to go and take it.
And
I’m sure some addicts will argue that it is not their fault. They
couldn’t help it – if they’re instinctive drives control the majority of
what they do, how can they themselves be held responsible?
Firstly, your instinctive drives are dumb; it’s the part of your brain
that tells you to look down the barrel of a gun to check what’s blocking
it, or to test a knife edge with your finger if you’re having trouble
cutting things. It’s simple, quick, and usually
efficient but makes a lot of errors – Freudian Slips, attacks of
Dyslexia, and saying the wrong name at inappropriate times are all the
fault of this ball of instinctive demands. Ever wish you hadn’t said the
first thing that came into your head? Or you’d
thought more about which route to pick? You probably should have
stopped for a couple of seconds and wrenched control of your decision
making process out of the hands of the monkey within and into the smooth
but slow system that is your higher logic function.
Secondly you can fight them. I do every day, apparently – although not
always successfully, as today my desk mate had the most delicious
looking cake and I caved after about ten minutes of her
chanting “Get jealous” to me. It’s not easy – but it is the same part
of the brain that makes people give in to all types of addiction, and it
can be trained (apparently) like any animal. If you can find some way
to reward it for saying no, you’ll find it
learns pretty quick to ignore its previous addiction but you are
likely just displacing it’s loyalty/affection/addiction to that other
thing – which is fine, but you should be aware that’s how it works. You
heard about rebounds, right? Yeah, that’s
displacement.
The
other way to train is with negative reinforcement. This is
scientifically proven, across the animal kingdom, to be significantly
less efficient at retraining instinctive responses
but is usually easier. It does work; punishing yourself for
eating too much does encourage you to eat less eventually. You have to
stick with it, use that under-nourished part of your mind that functions
on logic and not glandular stimulus, and continually
berate yourself into doing it. If you read this blog around
August-October time last year you will actually witness me doing this – I
punished myself for eating too much by going to the gym afterwards
or rewarded myself by eating a little more after a workout. I was
training my instinctive mind to eat less and/or exercise more using
this basic technique
and I didn’t even know.
My instincts were training themselves.
I was just along for the ride – it’s like in the new Robocop film (not a
spoiler) when they explain near the beginning why he functions so well
in
combat; he’s not actually making decisions, he’s just watching them
being made. That’s what happened to me – and happens to a lot of people
on a daily basis. We’re barely even living our lives, if this is true;
we’re just experiencing them for the most part.
The only time you make a real decision is if you sit down and spend
time thinking it through – even then, apparently you can’t be sure.
Or
you can choose to look at it as you having two very powerful and unique
decision making processes, on which your mind is used to using for
quick, snap decisions and the other when you’re less
under pressure. Being able to make decisions with both – or choosing
which to use to make a specific decision – is where you get to take
control of everything you do. And food, like any addiction, can be
fought using either or both of these processes. One
might start out as a weakness and the other as a little difficult to
engage but eventually the first will be as strong a defence as it once
was traitor and the second will be a smooth, slick mechanized
machination matrix that will allow to create
perfect decisions when you engage it.
I
know it’s tough, I know it seems insurmountable, but you can say no. It
might help to remember that what you’re really doing is saying ‘yes’ to
something else – losing weight, being in better
shape, having an excuse to buy new clothes, and much, much more! You
don’t need the extra food unless you’re using it – and it’s a lot of
work to shift a slice of chocolate fudge cake, trust me. So next time
you feel inexorably drawn towards a dish or feel
your sweet tooth tugging, remember you’ll have to run a couple of miles
at least to work it off. Who knows; maybe not having to do the run will
be enough of a carrot for you to avoid that extra snack.
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